Government jokes
Somebody told me to go to hell, so I walked up to Donald Trump.
Yo mama so fat that when she attempted suicide, she bounced to Area 51.
Hillary for president.
What do Monica and Bill Clinton have in common? They both did not inhale. Lol.
What does NASA stand for?
Not A Space Agency.
Why does Trump build a wall?
There’s such a thing as a ladder.
An alien goes to Area 51, but I wonder why he doesn't go to your house?
My cat sleeps about 20 hours a day. She has her food prepared for her. She can eat whenever she wants, 24/7/365. Her meals are provided at no cost to her. She visits the doctor once a year for her checkup, and again during the year if any medical needs arise. For this she pays nothing, and nothing is required of her.
She lives in a nice neighborhood in a house that is much larger than she needs, but she is not required to do any upkeep. If she makes a mess, someone else cleans it up. She has her choice of luxurious places to sleep. She receives these accommodations absolutely free. She is living like a queen, and has absolutely no expenses whatsoever. All of her costs are picked up by others who go out and earn a living every day.
I was just thinking about all this, and suddenly it hit me like a brick in the head, Holy Sh*t, my cat is a Democrat!
"When Republicans do politics, it's a crime. But when Democrats commit crimes, it's politics." ---Tyler Nixon
Why are Communists considered the left?
Because they can’t do anything right.
What's the difference between a Doberman Pinscher and a Social Worker?
Eventually, you can get a baby back from a Doberman Pinscher.
King.
So one day, I took a trip to Russia and saw Vladimir Putin walking in the streets without any bodyguards. Seeing as how I looked just like him, we switched places for a few days.
After two days, some officer came up to me and asked if we were going to project блять, and I said yes, and the officer said, "God help us."
So a day later, I heard on the news that every other continent and the moon were destroyed. I then approached the officer and said, "I thought you meant we were having a giant orgy." He said, "We did, and that we were extremely drunk."
If Trump was an orphan, I know he would know not to build a wall because he was in one most of his life.
When you see your friend, you call the police, but they just moan.
9/11 happened... right?
The cops respond to 9-1-1... coincidence, I think not.
What's so wrong about Trump being in office?
He steals all the cats.
How many communists does it take to change a lightbulb? Never enough.
Trump's cabinet are like panties. Some crawl up your butt, some snap under pressure, and some actually cover your butt when you need them.
Jason Kenney has never worried about putting food on the table for his kids.
"Knuckle babies" don't eat.