Government jokes
Today we need to teach our teens about having safe sex while using contraceptives.
Condoms 99 percent effective.
Birth control 99 percent effective.
Etc.
Just be like me and use underage 7 year olds works 100 percent of the time (only cost 20 years in jail ;)
What does NASA stand for? Need Another Seven Astronauts.
Who are cats going to vote for in November? Hillary Kitten.
Americans won't have a Thanksgiving Dinner this year. Why not? They sent their turkey to the White House.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
Scientist time travels into the year 2024.
Scientist: So, what happened with the storming of Area 51?
Pedestrian: Oh, you mean The 51 Massacre?
What is the difference between an American and an orphan?
They don't have a home to get their guns.
"Trump is Putin, America first!" hahaha
Where did the king hide his armies?
In his sleevies.
Worst joke ever.
He's homeless.
Another: Oh he must be A "Sheer" (as in Andrew Scheer) survivor...
The other: No, he's a Liberal (as in Justin Trudeau) job hopeful.
There are sexiest women in politics.
They should be in a car showroom.
Why was going through JFK's head when he was getting assassinated? A bullet.
Which president has never gone to jail?
Lincoln because he's innocent in a cent, get it?
I asked my North Korean friend, "what's it like to live in North Korea?" He responded, "can't complain."
No one:
Literally no one:
Abraham Lincoln: *dies*
John Wilkes Booth: *ranks up*
Did you hear that the governor's mansion in Alabama burned down?
Almost took out the whole trailer park.
In Soviet Russia,
You love Chinese and hate Chinese.
Three Nazis walk into a bar.
Yo' mama is so stupid, when they said, "Order in the court," she asked for fries and a shake.
Why won't Trump be subject to impeachment?
Answer: Because Republicans in Congress insist that every baby be brought to full term!