Good jokes
What does a woman do when she leaves the battered women's shelter?
"Cook my dinner, if she knows what's good for her."
Here is a good joke: asking for consent before sex.
I have good faith in the glue police. They usually stick to their word.
Did you hear about the person who got hit in the head with a soda can?
Good thing it was a "soft" drink!
Papyrus: Well come to the underground.
Sans: How was your falls?
Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.
Sans: Give me your balls!
A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.
Boy: The principal is so dumb!
Girl: Do you know who I am?
Boy: No...
Girl: I am the principal's daughter!
Boy: Do you know who I am?
Girl: No...
Boy: Good! *Walks away*
Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?
Me: I'm just BONELY.
Sans: Good one kiddo.
Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?
Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.
My aunt worked as a human cannonball.
I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.
Q: What’s a good thing about child molesters?
A: They drive slow through school zones.
Teacher: What does a cow say?
Susie: Moo.
Teacher: Good. Now what does a duck say?
Jimmy: The duck goes quack.
Teacher: Now what does a pig say?
Little Jonny: A pig says, "Get up against the wall, you black motherfucker!"
Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.
Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.
"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"
"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."
When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.
The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.
After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."
"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"
A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.
Sex is like pizza.
When it’s hot, it’s great.
When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.
Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?
Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.
I rate the atmosphere of Israel a 10/7; real good stuff there, looks like an actual movie!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?
I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.
What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?
A male Duck on Viagra.
Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!