Good jokes

Boy: The principal is so dumb!

Girl: Do you know who I am?

Boy: No...

Girl: I am the principal's daughter!

Boy: Do you know who I am?

Girl: No...

Boy: Good! *Walks away*

Papyrus: Well come to the underground.

Sans: How was your falls?

Papyrus: G-g-good luck eve-ever ge-getting o-out.

Sans: Give me your balls!

Papyrus: HUMAN, WHY ARE YOU SAD?

Me: I'm just BONELY.

Sans: Good one kiddo.

Why is "Frozen" a good movie for orphans?

Because they know how to "let it go" when their parents went.

My aunt worked as a human cannonball.

I'm not sure if she was good at it until she got fired.

A lady asked if I heard about the mass shooting in Ohio. I said yes, my friend died there. She said I’m so sorry. I said yeah, I tried telling him the police had good aim. Worse than that, he just found out his sister was cheating on him.

Christopher and Tony were tempted for a beer, but they only had 2 dollars each.

Christopher got an idea and ran away to the butcher to see if he could get something good. He came back with a sausage. So they went to a pub and ordered 2 beers and 2 whiskeys.

"Are you crazy?!" said Tony to Christopher. "We don't have any money!"

"Take it easy now," said Christopher. "I have a plan."

When they finished drinking everything up, Christopher put the sausage through his own zipper and begged Tony to bend on his knees and take the sausage with his mouth.

The bartender saw what they did and threw them out without even paying. So Christopher and Tony kept doing the same thing pub after pub after pub.

After the 10th pub, Tony said: "I can't do this anymore. I am drunk, and my knees are in too much pain to even handle the walk."

"How do you think I feel?" said Christopher, exhausted. "I dropped the sausage in the 3rd pub!"

I learned how to say "virgin" in German: "Good and tight."

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

Straight people ask why gays have such a good fashion sense.

They have to come out of the closet sometime.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

Good morning everybody, well I could say that unlike emo kids.

Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.

Jack and Jill wanted some pills.

So they went to the dealer; he saw they were kids and said, "Fuck this shit," then Jack rocked his ass and took all the good shit except birth control pills.

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

I wasn't close to my dad when he died.

Which was good, he died to a landmine.

What is a cow that's good at math good for?

Meat pie.