Good jokes

I don’t struggle with depression, at this point I’ve got it down. I’m good at depression.

Person: Bro, you have a bad and stupid life.

Me: Yeah, it was all good till you were here!

Person: WTF!

Old woman: You are such a darling child. Please come and see me again next year.

A year later, as child walks up to the door of the old lady's house...

Old woman: Oh my! Goodness sakes, child! Have you grown, or have I shrank???

Child: Both.

Why do potatoes make good detectives?

Because they keep their eyes peeled!

Teacher: Great! You’re studying in break time!

Student: Thank you. I heard that it is good to study before sleep.

You must have a good power supply, because you're easy to turn on!

I did have a good night, and I did a good night, and I had to walk around the house.

How do you knockout an unorthodox blue tooth?

You get a good connection.

Did you know that good Catholic girls like to WAP?

Yeah, they are all about Worship and Prayer.

Hitler was a good man because, after all, he did kill Hitler.

My friend just told me about reverse exorcisms.

In these, the demon tells the priest to get out of the child.

Why were the Twin Towers so good at football? They were the best wide receiver of their time!

Even people who are good for nothing can bring a smile to your face.

For instance, when you push them down the stairs.

A normal exorcism is getting a demon out of a person, but a reverse exorcism is the devil telling the priest to get out of the child.

What’s the difference between weed and pussy?

If you can smell weed from across the room, it means the weed's good.

What kind of animal makes a good bottle opener?

A male Duck on Viagra.

Do you know how hard it is to maintain a good body these days?

I think Jeffrey Dahmer had the right idea, just put it in the freezer.

How do you know someone from India is a good sniper?

They have a dot in the middle of the head.

Sex is like pizza.

When it’s hot, it’s great.

When it’s cold, it’s still pretty good.

I tried to make a pun about cheese, but I couldn't think of any good "whey" to do it.