Good jokes

Why are frogs good at basketball?

Because they always make jump shots.

Why are cats good at video games?

Because they have nine lives!

I started crying when dad was cutting onions.

Onions was such a good dog.

I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.

Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝

“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”

You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

Me: Good night, everyone.

My friends and family: Night.

Me: *gets in coffin*

My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?

My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.

Why are Indians so good at football?

Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.

Know what a 6.9 is?

Another good thing screwed up by a period.

Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?

Because his parents will be far from home.

Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?

Because it got everybody's pokes!

My grief counselor died just the other day.

He was so good though, I didn't care.

Trying to find a good parking spot is a lot like trying to find a girlfriend.

If you can’t find one, you stick it in the disabled spot and hope nobody finds out.

The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.

Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.

Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?

Because they are really good at saving.

I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...

Good news is, I got one sick selfie!