I told my mom to get rope for a project and when she got home I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling? he kept making strikes
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
People say killing two birds with one stone is a good thing but when i the it people just looked horrified.
Doctor: I've got good news and bad news Patient: What's the good news? Doctor: I've got u flowers Patient: Awww, What's the bad news? Doctor: *They're for your grave*
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me
What games would deaf people not be good at...
Simon says and Musical chairs
Why is the titanic good at baseball : because it sinks it
Kenny can't find a girlfriend because neither of his sisters can fuck as good as his mom could.
I was thinking of a good accident joke and I asked my sister, she said you
Once there were twins, Mark and Michael, Mark was the owner of a old boat. It so happened that Michael's wife died the same day that Mark's boat sank. A few days later, a kindly old woman saw Mark and mistook him for Michael. She said, "I'm sorry to hear about your loss. You must just feel terrible. "Mark, thinking that she was talking about his boat, said, "Heck no. In fact, I'm sort of glad to be rid of her. She was a rotten old thing right from the beginning. Her bottom was all shrivelled up and she smelled like old dead fish. She was always losing her water; she had a bad crack in the back and a pretty big hole in the front too. Every time I used her, her hole got bigger and she leaked like crazy. I guess what finally finished her off was when I rented her to these four guys looking for a good time. I warned them that she wasn't very good, but they wanted to use her anyhow. The fools tried to get in her all at once and she split right up the middle!" The old lady fainted. 🤣🤣🤣😂😂😂
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation , I just need a kid who can keep a secret
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it: Doctor: I have good news and bad news Guy" Whats the bad news Doc: They replaced your toe with a piece of candy Guy: Good news? Doc: You now have tic tac toe
Teacher: Describe a penguin
Student: Black, White, Beak
Teacher: Good, now describe an orphan
Student: Sad, maybe depressed, No family
Teacher: Amazing, now describe a cow
Student: Brown bun hair, red shirt, white skirt, pantyhose, and dollar tree shoes
Teacher: No! How does that describe a cow?
Student: It describes you tho.
Why arent orphans good at monopoly?
They dont know what a house is
why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions
Why are frogs 🐸 good at basketball 🏀?
Because they always make jump shots.
A feminist asked me how I view lesbian relationships. Apparently "in HD" wasn't a good answer.
Why are cats 🐈 good at video games!
Because they have nine lives!
Woman- What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich
Husband- I know! How about you COMEBACK with a godda*n sandwich?
