Why are cats good at video games?
Because they have nine lives!
Good Jokes
I started crying when dad was cutting onions.
Onions was such a good dog.
I know the voices in my head aren't real, but man, do they have some good ideas.
Can anyone answer this riddle? Apparently this is the world's hardest riddle! Good luck 😝
“I turn polar bears white, and I will make you cry. I make guys have to pee, and girls comb their hair. I make celebrities look stupid, and normal people look like celebrities.”
You look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if I give you this flower, will you finger my bum?
Me: Good night, everyone.
My friends and family: Night.
Me: *gets in coffin*
My family: *stares at my friends* You aren't going to do something?!?
My friends: *to my family* Nope, this is normal.
The Good Old Days.
You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.
What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?
“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”
Even people who are good for nothing have the capacity to bring a smile to your face, like when I push my autistic brother down the stairs.
Why are Indians so good at football?
Each time they get a corner, they open a shop.
Know what a 6.9 is?
Another good thing screwed up by a period.
Why would an orphan be a good Spider-Man?
Because his parents will be far from home.
Why did the doorbell have a good sense of humor?
Because it got everybody's pokes!
My grief counselor died just the other day.
He was so good though, I didn't care.
The good thing about being gay in school is that you can be the best student and still get all the D's.
Good night, sleep tight, wake up bright in the morning light, to do what's right, with all your might.
Why do goalkeepers have so much money in the bank?
Because they are really good at saving.
I went to see my grandfather in the hospital because I wanted to get to know him better before he passed, maybe take a selfie with him. But when I got there my phone died, so I unplugged a vacuum to plug in my phone. And it turns out he only knows Spanish, so when he kept saying, "Me desconectaste el soporte de mi vida," I thought he wanted water. But when I got back with the water he was asleep, and now my phone was charged, so I translated what he said. And it was, "You unplugged my life support." That's when I called the doctor...
Good news is, I got one sick selfie!
I am trying to re-comment something that used to be on here, but is no longer on here.
Here are some rules to make a good joke:
1: Don't say “my life.”
2: Proofread your joke and make sure people can read it/have good grammar in it.
3: And don’t repost things (although this last one is hypocritical because this was me trying to repost something, but it is still a good rule to go by).
There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."
