One good thing about lynching during the holidays, free tree ornaments.
Things to kids:
Dragapult: "Ooh, look! Some ammo."
A Good Parent: "My baby!"
Michael Jackson: (HeeHee)
I actually think Paul Walker was a good man, he did not deserve to be burned alive.
He had a change of race tho when he died.
Being alive is so expensive, I am not even having a good time doing it.
I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.
What do a mag and a clip have in common? They are both good at school.
why was the bad baseball player so good at bowling?
He kept making strikes.
Why does the United States have such a good military? Because they learn to dodge bullets in school.
What's the difference between Tiger Woods and Princess Diana?
Tiger Woods had a good driver.
What games would deaf people not be good at?
Simon says and Musical chairs.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Her: Awww... Yes!!!
Me: Good, then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
Why are orphans good at dodgeball?
They can dodge adoptions.
Why is the Titanic good at baseball? Because it sinks it.
I was thinking of a good accident joke, and I asked my sister. She said, "you."
One day a man was fixing a car, and he accidentally got brake oil in his mouth. He was about to spit it out, but then he thought, "Hmm, this tastes pretty good!" So he would keep drinking brake oil. But his friends were getting worried about him, and they were like, "Dude, this can't be healthy." But he said, "Don't worry. I can STOP anytime."
I can do a very good Michael Jackson impersonation. I just need a kid who can keep a secret.
A man lost his toe when he dropped a knife on it.
Doctor: "I have good news and bad news."
Guy: "What's the bad news?"
Doc: "They replaced your toe with a piece of candy."
Guy: "Good news?"
Doc: "You now have tic tac toe."
There's a kid named Little Johnny who would always cuss. Well, one day, he was sitting in class and the teacher said, "Let's play a game." So the game was she calls out a letter and someone raises her hand and tells her a word that begins with that letter. The teacher says "A". Little Johnny raises his hand and the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, he might say something like a**." So the teacher calls on Sally. Sally says "apple". The teacher says "B". Little Johnny raises his hand. The teacher thought, "No, he might say something like b!tch." So the teacher goes all the way to R. The teacher says "R". Little Johnny raises his hand and says, "Me, me, please, I really know one." Then the teacher thinks to herself, "Well, there's no cuss word that starts with R," so she said, "Okay, Johnny, give me a word that starts with R." Little Johnny says, "A rat!" and the teacher, very pleased, says, "Very good, Johnny. What type of rat?" Little Johnny says, "A big gosh damn mother freaker."
Sorry, I had to edit some word, but y'all know what I meant.
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Why aren't orphans good at Monopoly?
They don't know what a house is.
