Good jokes
Good Morning, Sleepy-Head!
I like dicks... sporting goods.
Ernie and Burt were camping in the woods, when they woke up Burt asked Ernie "how did you sleep?" Ernie replied with "I slept amazing! I had a great dream that I was in a magic candy world and was sucking the most tastiest lollipop I'd ever tasted in my life."
Burt replied with "Good to hear, I slept amazing too. I had a dream that I was in heaven surrounded by angels, and one of them was giving me a blow job."
Your momma's so fat that she's used goods, like the Russian tanks.
Good morning, madam. I am from the local council. Can you please tell me if you have a dog license for that poodle you have on your head?
What did the water say to the cup?
"Good day!"
I was doing a 10km run with my good friend Pessi. As we were setting up our smart watches, the watch voice asked us if we wanted to do a solo run or a group run.
Pessi proceeded to smash both our watches and shout, “I don’t want solo run, I want Penalty!”
Shame on you, Pessi!
Me: I need a good roast.
My friend: Take me!
MISSING!!
MISSING!!
Name: Ghostiano Penaldo
Missing: 27/6/2021 vs Belgium
Characteristics: Disappearing in big games + Diving + always ranting "give me penalty".
Last found - Practicing tap ins.
Possible Locations: Penalty Spot, Parma, Crotone.
Might be dangerous towards good players.
I was in class doing sex education. We were learning about sexual stereotypes.
My teacher turns to the class and asks, "If anyone could tell him what a sexual stereotype was?"
So I raised my hand and said, "Asians have small penis." He looked at me and said, "Very good, but I was looking for a definition."
Husband: Dammit, Alice! I'm your husband, and I'm telling you that you better stay in this kitchen if you know what's good for you!
Wife: Go to hell, Bob! I'm leaving!
Ignoring my protective advice, Alice stormed out of our underground kitchen, even though it was the safest place to be while the nuclear war still raged outside.
If the USA is so good,
Why did they make a USB?
A player in Baldi's Basics says, "Why are you bald?"
Baldi responds, "Well, I have cancer."
The player says, "Oh, good for you!"
You signed up for football, but you're no good.
I think it was wrong for that school shooter to end his life at the scene.
He could have done some good by becoming some lonely lifer's bottom.
My wife asked me to get her a puppy. I agreed and went to an animal shelter. As I was searching for a puppy, a fire was set, and the entire animal shelter burned down.
A few hours later, I returned to my wife. She knew I had no puppies and asked why. I replied, "I couldn't find any." She understood but was upset, so I gave her something that I did get. She said, "Wow! This is good, what smokehouse did you get this at?"
You know, having an uncle is a good thing sometimes! I get a pair of shoes every week. He says it’s my reward for playing the tickle game with him in his damp and dark basement. It hurts sometimes. But hey, new shoes!
One day in my class, we were having that good snack, and one of my classmates choked on a Cheerio. One small, single, Cheerio!
I had fun.
Girls are like bacteria. The toxic ones are everywhere, and you have to take special care of the good ones.