Goes jokes
Someone goes into a bar and asks for a blow job. The barman goes, "Me too." But then the guy goes, "I meant the drink."
A pregnant woman enters the hospital with her concerned husband. As she goes into labor, a group of doctors asked him if he would like to try a device that transfers your spouse's pain to the father's nervous system.
He agrees and the doctors turn the dial on the device to 10%. Strangely, the man felt little pain. They continued to adjust the dial until it stopped at 100%, yet the man felt nothing. Later on, the wife had delivered the baby and the pair left the hospital with a healthy baby only to find the milkman laying on their stairs with a puddle of blood around his head, shaking uncontrollably.
Three friends go to a water park and meet a genie. "You each get one wish." "When you get to the top of the slide, you shall scream your wish as you go down." The first man went down the slide and screamed "Coca Cola," and the pool was filled with Coca-Cola.
The next ugly-ass looking mf goes down the slide and screams "C-M&Ms" as if he wasn’t just about to say cum—then the pool was full of cu—I mean M&Ms. The last horny-ass bitch is so excited he says "Weee!" Then the pool is full of piss. He was upset the pool wasn’t full of dildos./j
I know this is a really bad poem, but I'll do it anyway 'cause I have nothing else to do.
'Twas so pretty a night, with people all asleep. Everyone's dreaming of that candy apple treat, and a palace. But alas! No, it's all a dream. Even eating ice cream, it's all a dream! Why can't I have this? Why can't I have that? BUT NO! It's just hitting you like a bat. YOU JUST HAVE TO HAVE IT, you say to yourself. All for me, all for me, and et cetera. It goes on and on. But why wish for riches? You're already rich enough. If you have a device, then take my advise, if you were poor you would have spent the money on food, like honey, not something that... OF ALL THINGS IS GOOGLE!
Like I said, it's really bad. :(
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
How a regular Valentines day goes:
My dad: You better wear flip-flops everywhere.
Suicidal son: Goes to crack alley.
Your hairline is so repulsive that my entire family got eye cancer from seeing it, and it goes so far back that you be looking like Vegeta.
I aced my poker test...
My teacher asked me to reflect on my work, so I got a mirror...
A caffeinated vampire goes to sleep in a coffin...
Do you get my puns? No, because you can't seem to get a grasp on how bad they are...
When a bomb goes off, they call it an explosion.
When Keemstar exposes someone, they call it an exposion.
You are so ugly Santa goes "ho ho ho holy sh*t."
What type of fish goes best with peanut butter?
Jellyfish!
My friend's man has seizures, so guess who won their breakdancing tournament.
It's supposed to say "goes," not "goes."
What's the sharpest thing in the world?
A fart... it goes straight through your pants without leaving a hole.
"Nananananananannanananananannananananaanan, that's how music goes!"
Yo mama so fat, when she takes an elevator, it ALWAYS goes down!
Your hairline goes so far back, your mom is scared you're not going to make friends.
Guy goes to the doctor. The doctor says, "You look run down." The guy says, "No, I've come on my bike!"
Bomb goes Uno.
A man is out west driving and on the edge of town comes across a tourist stand and sitting in front is an Indian chief right out of central casting. Dour look, full headdress, a glass jar and a sign that says "Indian chief know all! $5". So the fellow's curiosity gets the better of him and he goes up to the chief, puts $5 in the jar and asks "What did I have for breakfast on this day 10 years ago?" Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Hmmm eggs. You had eggs!"
"Eggs?" shouts the guy "Everybody has eggs! I've been had!" throws his hands in the air and leaves in a huff.
Ten years on, as fate would have it the fellow has occasion to be driving through the same town and sure enough he comes across the same stand, Indian chief, sign, and jar. So he stops the car and saunters across the road, goes up to the chief like a smart-ass, holds up his hand and says "How". Chief taps his chin for a moment and says "Poached."