God's Will jokes

Uh, six teachers are annoying. Thank God I am not getting picked on at school or on this website.

Why did God create yeast infections?

So women would know what it's like to live with an annoying cunt.

I saw an orphan crying the other day, so I asked, "Where are your parents?"

God, I love working at an orphanage :)

A guy runs into a bar and yells, “Quick! How tall is a penguin?”

The bartender says, “Three feet tall.”

The guy says, “Oh my God! I just ran over a nun!”

[god creating alligators]

God: See that log?

Angel: Yes...?

God: Now fill it with teeth.

Angel: Say again?

God: FILL IT WITH TEETH!

I saw a kid crying yesterday, so I asked him where his parents were. God, I love working in an orphanage.

I arrived at work and saw a kid crying. I walked up to the kid and asked, "Hey, where are your parents?" and the kid just cried more. God, I love working at an orphanage.

If we're all God's children, what's so special about Jesus?

I always hated being born a Catholic as a kid. The way you have to keep kneeling down, bending over, and standing up all within a few minutes of each other while at church. I was always thinking, “For God’s sake, just pick a position and fuck me!”

A feminist walks into a bar. Her friend says, "Oh my god, your shoulders are broad!" Another woman says, "Are you sure it's a woman?"

God's racist. He separated light from dark.

One day, there were two muffins in an oven. One of the muffins said, "Man, it's hot in here." The other one said, "Oh my god! A talking muffin!!!"

And God said to John, "Come forth, and you shall be granted eternal life."

But John came fifth and won a toaster.

God: You're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.

Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.

Why do nuns not wear bras?

God supports everything.

Roses are red, violets are blue, God made me pretty, what happened to you?

What did Gordon Ramsay say to Hitler?

“Oh my god, put them back in the damn ovens! They’re so under-cooked they’re writing fucking diaries!”

What's the same between a pregnant 14 year old and her fetus? They're both saying "Oh my god, my mom's gonna kill me!"

God: ok, what if I made an evil land octopus that could walk on walls?