God's Will jokes

Looking in the mirror, I don’t need a therapist, god damn, I wanna be a terrorist.

What did the sand say when it got into a fight with the ocean?

"Oh my God, you're such a beach!"

A father is listening to his daughter say her prayers before bed. The daughter says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and God bless Grandma and good bye Grandad." The father says, "Good bye Grandad? Why is that?" The daughter says, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, Grandad drops dead.

The father can't believe the coincidence, but decided not to question it. That night, he listens to the daughter's prayers again. She says, "God bless Mummy and God bless Daddy and goodbye Grandma." The father is shocked again and asks his daughter why, but she says again, "Just because I felt like it." The next day, the Grandma drops dead and now the Father is getting worried but doesn't know what to do, so he tries to forget about it. That night, he listens to his daughter again and she says, "God bless Mummy and goodbye Daddy." The father is now terrified and goes to work the next day sweating, cancels all of his meetings, and hides in his office for the whole day. He doesn't go home and stays there until midnight. He's very surprised. 'I've cheated death!' he thinks to himself, then rushes home. His wife asks, "Where have you been?!" and the husband says, "Oh don't ask me any questions, today's been miserable." The wife replies, "Your days been miserable? Well, listen to my day! Firstly, the milk man drops dead on the porch..."

I'm treated like God when I'm home, I'm usually ignored until someone wants something.

God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.

God: Who ever kills Hitler will go to heaven.

Hitler: 👌👌👌👌

God: 😩😩😩😩

When God created women, it was an accident. He meant to make a man, but then "WHOA-MAN!!"

Why don't you see black people with Down syndrome?

Because God doesn't punish someone twice.

My wife treats me like God!

She takes no notice of my existence until she wants something.

Yep, this happens when you play G.T.A., good God!

Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?

He didn't give me any.

I was made by the Devil.

What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?

God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.

Doctors in the Middle Ages, Plague doctor: "I must have some herbs to block out bad air."

Doctors now: "God, WTF were we doing back then?"

Your hairline goes so far back that even God said, "I learned about it in my days."

Beautiful people should read this quote: "God gave you beauty but not brains."

Why do orphans pray to God?

So they have someone to call father.

"My dick fell off in the shower!" suddenly a bright flash of white lights. You see God smiling at you. "Joseph, where is your wiener, little one?" He says, chuckling lightly.

I thought God didn't make mistakes, but then I saw your face.

My current love life is like a god. It’s not real.

When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.