God jokes
The Flanders Song
God said to Noah, "There’s gonna be a floody-floody."
Rain came down, it started to get muddy-muddy.
Get these animals👏out of the arky-arky."
"Leave me alone!"
What's the difference between Jesus and a gay person?
One created the rainbow, the other one ruined it.
(Yes, I know God created the rainbow, not Jesus.)
"Pray to God her inside her head. I'm scared of God."
Hey guys! Want to know something cool? Google Jesus' language. It's Aramaic.
Next, google "God in Aramaic". See the results for yourself. <3
Chuck Norris met God once. Now God is the puny human.
Freddy: I'm coming for you >:)
Me: God, no, help!
*game notification pops up with very loud sound*
God needed an extra two hands to make your fat ass of a mother.
God: You're gonna have 2 parents.
Orphan: Double it and give it to the next person.
People on 1912: This ship is unsinkable, even God himself couldn’t destroy it.
God: Ok, bet, where’s my icebergs?
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
Why did God steal a rib from Adam and make a woman out of it?
God wanted to show that nothing sensible can come of stealing!
The dear God created the man.
Then he created woman.
When he then saw what he had done, he took care of tobacco and alcohol.
I’m not religious, but you’re the answer to all of my prayers.
What God do rats worship?
Cheesus.
What's the difference between God and Ron DeSantis?
God does not think he is Ron DeSantis.
Do you want to know what gifts God gave me?
He didn't give me any.
I was made by the Devil.
Your hairline is so bad, not even God could save it.
Mom, how were hoomans made? Son, it’s because Adam and Eve were brought down by God and made babies!
Dad, how were hoomans made? Son, us humans evolved from monkeys!
Mom, Dad said hoomans were evolved from monkeys, is that true? Oh son, (ruffles smol man’s hair) your dad was telling you his side of the family, and I was telling my side :)
My mom gave my friend a blow job for good luck on his job interview, then my mom gave my other friend a blow job for his interview, and they both got the job. Now who needs good luck? Just ask my mom. My mom is a good luck charm.
One day, a priest and a nun went to play golf together.
In the first shot, the priest missed his shot and said, "Fuck, I missed it!"
The nun replied, "Hey, you should not curse."
In the second shot, the priest missed his shot again and said, "Fuck, I missed again!"
The nun replied, "Hey, stop swearing, or else God will punish you."
In the next shot, the priest missed once again. He shouted, "Fuck this, this game is bullshit!"
The nun replied, "Enough! God is definitely going to punish you anytime now."
Suddenly, a thunderbolt struck the nun and killed her. The clouds separated from the sky, and there was a voice in the sky saying, "Oh, fuck, I missed!"