What did God say when he created the first black person?
"Behold, this specimen of divine integrity!"
"OH MY GOD! IT SPEAKS!"
What is God’s favorite candy?
Jesus Pieces.
roses are red violets blue i thank god im not as ugly as you
Race car backwards is race car, but if you turn race car sideways, that’s how Paul Walker got sent to God’s inbox.
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
A man was almost about to drown. A boat said, "Do you need help?" And he said no.
After the boat left, another boat came to the sea, and they asked if he needed help, and he said no.
And he asked God, "Why didn't you help me?"
God said, "I sent you two big boats, you dummy!"
Life is karma... because I was born, God gifted me with social awkwardness, sh*t athletic skills, and stupidity.
God, I love telling children their parents love them, but only on April Fools'. They're orphans, after all.
Little Johnny was sitting in class, and he was behind a girl called Sally. The teacher asks the class, “Who created the Earth?” And Little Johnny pokes Sally in the back with his sharpened pencil, and she jumps and says, “MY GOD!” And the teacher says, “Yes, Sally, God did create the Earth.” Sally sits down.
Then, the teacher asks, “Where do you go after you live a good life?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally again, and she jumps up and says, “HEAVENS TO BETSY!” And the teacher says, “Yes Sally. You will go to heaven after you live a good life.” Sally sits down, knowing full well Little Johnny was poking her. Sally gave Little Johnny an angry glare, and she turns around.
And then, the teacher asks the class, “What did Eve say to Adam after their 77th child?” and Little Johnny pokes Sally HARDER this time in the back, and Sally jumps, turns around, and says, “If you stick that thing in me one more time, I swear I’m gonna lose it!” And the teacher faints.
I think democracy is a scam. I love men and I love you. I love men and I love you. I love my dog. He won't sleep inside and I shitted my pants. I peed my pants. I smell bad. I took a shower and my dog was like, "Oh my god." I was like, "Oh." I was like, "Oh my god," and then I was like, "I shitted again" and he was like, "Bark bark," cause he's a dog. Thanks for listening.
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.
Anyways,
Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?
More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!
But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.
How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".
What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.
Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!
Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low
Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.
