God jokes
Why did Stephen Hawking not believe in God?
Computers don’t really have a specific religion.
My friend asked me once, "Is there any religion in the world that preaches a god who masturbates in a closed room?"
"Islam it is."
Yo mama so fat that the Avengers team had to snap five times and say, "Oh my God!"
God said, “Let there be light,” so it beamed off your forehead, and so I turned into Stevie Wonder and called it night.
What did God say to the good shepherd?
Nothing.
POV: Orphans rule the world.
God said, "I'm your dad," then kills himself.
The orphan: Waaaaaa!
What do Call of Duty players say when they shoot up a school?
654-721-8940
(If you understand the joke, you're a god.)
What's God's favorite Michael Jackson song? The Earth Song. 😍😍😍
Please folks, you can hit the thumbs up button on the ones you like. There is no need to repost.
Anyways,
Knock knock Who's there? Can I come in? Can I come in who? Can I Come In You!?
More often than not, I will cry when I masturbate. Some nights I'm a real tear jerker!
But on the nights and I smoke a lil pot and then masturbate, my dad ends up bugging me because I am a weed wacker.
How do you keep a dog from humping your leg? Pick him up and suck his dick.
How does Popeye keep his manly part from rusting? He sticks it in Olive Oil.
Snow White and the seven dwarfs are in the the tub feeling "HAPPY". Happy got out now they are fucking "GRUMPY".
What's worse than waking up and finding a "Penis" drawn on your forehead? Finding out it was "Traced".
If I had a rooster and you had a donkey and your donkey ate my rooster what would you have? 3 feet of my cock up your ass.
Did you know Batman was actually Black? Yeah he couldn't go a night with out Robyn!
Did you hear Gods Word Of The Day? Its Legs! Now lets go out and spread them.
What do you call a Mexican woman with no legs? Cunt-sway-low
Whats worse than sucking 25 oysters out of your Grandmas Pussy? Realizing you only put in 15.
What were the twin towers plains?
God's playing Jenga.
What did the tomato say to the empty ketchup bottle? "GOD STAY AWAY FROM ME!"
Sex is like math.
Subtract the clothes, add the bed, divide the legs, and pray to God there is no multiplying.
The reason why God and Jesus have eternal life and the power, aka (holy spirit) is to control us, take our free will, and our eternal life, which is our heaven. Our time!
Just to show up, in the nick of time for the second coming in full costume ready to judge us. Them spending a lifetime preparing their big speech, their excuse of them hiding this whole time.
Lol, Surprise!
Joke being on them.
As we all stand there and are there to judge them, doing what they said they were made for.
Taking our eternal life back from Satan and the Devil and sending them to their home they created themselves!
HELL!
P.S. With a little extra punishments!
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
When I was at work, I saw this kid crying. I said, "Where are your parents?" God, I love working in an orphanage.
Why don’t babies pollinate flowers?
God chose Plan B.
What did Satin say to God??
"Bitch, what the fuck you looking at?"
If you argued that God was a woman, 49.8% of the US population would try and raise Hell.
Just to ask the other guy.
Talk about a male supremacist religion.
Y'all really need to stop hating on pedos!! At least they drive slow in school zones! God.
Me: (Jaiden) Why are you crying? Do you know where your parents are?
Orphan: *Sobs* "No."
God, I love working at an orphanage!