Go jokes

Why did the chicken cross the road?

IDK! WHY?

To go see yo mama!

Jerry Garcia: I’m going on a TRIP today!

Bob Weir: Where are you going?

Jerry Garcia: I’m already on it. 😯🦄🌈

What do call six gay men going in a war?

Rainbow Six Siege.

Orphans are human too! They have parents like all of us, so I don't know why they're saying it's fun to make fun of an orphan. Have you ever been too cold and wondered if your parents are going to have another child and not you? That's not funny! It is %9000,000 NO!!!!!!!!!!

What kind of instrument is always having to go potty?

A pee-ano/piano.

You can get into a fight with an orphan. What are they going to do? Tell their parents?

As an American, I like cars. And like all car enthusiasts, even just a little scratch can ruin a brand new car.

So why is it that we go to different countries like India and see that almost every car is completely totaled? I guess we have different meanings of "it's just a scratch."

Teacher: What do you kids want to be when you grow up?

Kid 1: I want to be a firefighter.

Kid 2: I want to be a police officer.

Kid 3: I want to be dead like both my parents.

Teacher: Ok, everyone pull out your books.

Kid 4: Are we going to ignore what he said?

Teacher: What do you want me to do? Call his parents?

There was once a kid named Timmy. His father and mother went to bed one night and didn't hear or see Timmy come with them.

They all get under the covers. Timmy, still unnoticed, looks under the covers and lets out a blood-curdling scream. "MOMMY, WATCH OUT! THERE IS A SNAKE GOING INTO YOUR BIG BLACK HAIRY BUSH!" And he proceeds to say, "DON'T WORRY MOMMY, I'LL GET IT!" And he takes his father's penis in his mouth and chomps down.

Now I want you to think what their breakfast conversation was the next morning.

You walk into an old, run-down house and you see that a light is on. You walk over to the light and you see blood all over the room, and you run to the exit to leave, but when you get to the door, somehow it is locked from the outside and you have no choice but to go into the house more. You see another room with a light on, so you go in. When you go in, "flip," all the lights go off, then you see a bright light and then a screen shows up and it says, "Let the game show begin." You see other people next to you and they seem scared, then a wall comes down, you see optical cords and you go on, and then a chainsaw comes at you and it misses you, but the other kid behind you gets hit and dies.

Part two coming soon. This is inspired by the SCP Foundation. Have a nice summer.

So, today is my birthday. Today, I am 13, but yesterday I am going to turn 10. But I am not even going to school to know the number ten, because one time at 10 p.m. in the morning it was so cold in my hot room, so I went outside to drive my car. But I stopped because the light turned green. I was taking a bath in the front of my car, and it didn’t have a bin, so I am taking a sh$t.

How do you know when you are dating a cannibal?

You go to the beach, he offers to put suntan oil on you, and the brand name is Wesson.

You are having sex and he says he wants to eat your a$$ and you notice he is holding a knife and fork.

He invites you to his home to use the hot tub and it is heated by a wood fire.

You are having an argument and you say "bite me" and he starts to sharpen his teeth.

Someone walks up to his dad and says, "Dad, what’s the difference between potentiality and reality?" Soo ok, the dad says to the son, "Go ask your mother, sister, and your brother if they’d sleep with the postman for $1,000,000." So the son comes back 5 minutes later and said, "Dad, they all said they would sleep with the postman." So, son, potentially, we have a million dollars, but in reality, we have two sluts and a gay one."

Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?

Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.

Make a wish.

Kid: I don't want to go to Disney World, I just want to keep living my life.

Make a Wish Staff: Get the F*** out!

A Russian wife turned to her husband and asked...

"What's this special military operation our glorious leader keeps talking about?"

Her husband replied, "It's a proxy war between Russia and NATO."

"Oh, right. How's it going?"

"Well," he replied, "so far we've lost 200,000 soldiers, 4,000 tanks, 500 aircraft, numerous helicopters, loads of armoured vehicles and artillery pieces along with our 'flag ship'."

"Wow! What about NATO?"

"They haven't turned up yet."

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

Hi guys! Ello here! So I am determined to get as many people as possible to like my jokes and comment. So, without further ado, here goes nothing!

So I have been looking at all your jokes, and UHHHHHH has not been the nicest. I don't really love the words she is choosing, but I'm not going to let her get in my head. :)

So guys make sure that you like and comment! Love y'all!!!!! :D

One day, I'm going to Malta to a big hotel. In the morning, I go down to eat breakfast. I tell the waitress I want two pieces of toast. She brings me only one piece. I tell her I want a piece. She says, "Go to the toilet." I say, "You don't understand. I want a piece on my plate." She says, "You better not piss on your plate, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!!

Later, I go to eat at the big restaurant. The waitress brings me a spoon and a knife, but no fork. I tell her I wanted a fork. She tells me everyone wanna fuck. I say, "You don't understand, I want a fork on my table." She says, "You better not fuck on the table, you son of a bitch." I don't even know the lady, and she calls me a son of a bitch.

I don't need this shit!

So, I go back to my room in a hotel, and there are no sheets on the bed. I call the manager and tell him I want a sheet. He tells me, go to the toilet. I say, "You don't understand, I want a sheet on my bed." He says, "You better not shit on my bed, you son of a bitch."

I go to the checkout, and the man at the desk says, 'Peace on you.' I say, 'Piss on you too, you son of a bitch. I'm going back to Italia. Arrivederci!'

I don't need this shit!

Moral of the story, don't go to Australia with a Korean accent.

Few jokes (sorry if they have already been used).

1 I couldn't figure out why the baseball kept getting bigger. Then it hit me.

2 Why does Humpty Dumpty love autumn? Because he always has a great fall.

3 Have you heard the one about the skunk? Never mind, it really stinks.

4 It's always windy in a sports arena. All those fans.

5 What is the best day to go to the beach? Sunday, of course!

6 Comic Sans walks into a bar. The bartender says, "We don't serve your type here."

7 What's the easiest way to get straight As? Use a ruler.

8 Why were they called the Dark Ages? Because there were lots of knights.