
Go jokes
Go to the replies, look at the top and it will say "in your mum."
I opened a company selling landmines disguised as prayer mats. Prophets are going through the roof.
Vladimir Putin is probably a homophobe because he has to go through life with the name of a gay porn star.
Damn, the guy who made the "Whip/Nae Nae" song really made his cousin go Silento.
Me: Can I get your mom's number?
Friend: Here you go:
Me: Ohh, strange, I already had it.
As a son, I set up a home date with my mom and my friend because I was going out of town. I set it up by telling my friend that my mom thinks he is cute, and I told my mom that my friend thinks that she is hot.
I came home the next day. I see in the living room my friend giving it to my mom doggy style. I ask what's going on. My mom said to me, "Meet your new daddy," then my friend said, "Hey son, get me a beer from the fridge."
One day my sister was making hotdogs. My sister asked me if I wanted some. I said no. Then my sister asked my friend, and he always said no.
Then my sister said I have to eat it plain with no flavor. We have no ketchup, mustard, or onions. My friend said I got something to give it flavor. My sister said, "Okay."
My sister left the kitchen to get something. I asked my friend what are you going to do. Then he took the hotdog bread, opened it, and ran his penis all around it, and put some white cream that came out of his penis. I put the hotdogs on the bread. Then my sister came back and put hotdogs on the hotdog bread. I told my sister the hotdogs are ready. She ate them. I asked how were the hotdogs. My sister said, "I don’t know what flavor is this, but it is very tasty."
What shoes do pedophiles wear? White vans.
How do pedophiles fit in? They force it to go in.
How do you make a 16 mm hole into a 40 mm hole? A pedophile comes in.
What did Santa say when he was passing over some hookers? "Ho ho ho!"
Little Johnny walked into his parents' room to see them going at it.
He asked his mom what they were doing, and she said, "Uh, we're play fighting," and he's like, "With no clothes on?"
She said, "Yeah," and so he said, "Let me join you then..."
Hello my fellow Canadians, I mean Americans. I, your cool and hip president, has decided to give everyone free ice cream! Even the Russians. Go out to your local ice cream shop and make sure to leave your kids at home!
What was going through the head of a 9/11 victim on the 88th floor?
The 89th floor.
Why can’t orphans go on a field trip?
Parent signature __________
What’s the bravest thing a man can do?
Say, “I’m going to get milk!” to his wife and kids.
Little Johnny and little Sally walked in on Mommy and Daddy going at it in the bedroom doggy style. They innocently ask, "Mommy, Daddy what are you doing?"
Mommy says, "Oh, Daddy is just parking his car in Mommy's garage, now go and play."
A few minutes later they hear a blood curdling squeal and run to see what was the matter.
Little Johnny is running in circles squealing and little Sally says, "Well little Johnny was trying to park his car in my garage and he couldn't get the back wheels in so I took the scissors and cut them off."
My Llama's cousin sucks at going on vacation.
He just stands there; "I'll pack uhhhh...."
Guy 1: How far are we going?
Guy 2: About as far as somebody's miscarriage.
Where would a snowman go on his days off of work?
Snowhere.
During Halloween, my friend went as a skeleton.
He refused to go into the haunted house. Looks like he was SPINE-LESS.
Next time I'm at a restaurant, and they ask what I want to drink, I'm going to say "bleach".
I can go to Walmart and scan my wrists. It'll say "antidepressants." ✨
