Give jokes

If somebody gives you lemons, cut them in half and do the juice in his eyes.

You know why Santa's saying is "Ho Ho Ho?"

How else is he supposed to give boys and girls a baby brother or sister for Christmas?

Don't give up on your dreams...

Keep sleeping.

What do you give a pig when it has a rash?

Oinkment.

GIVEAWAAAAAAY!!!

Okay, 19 dollar Fortnite card. Who wants it? And yes, I’m giving it away. Remember: Share, share, share! And trolls: Don’t get BLOCKED!

James Bond gives all the ladies he's met the perfect birthday gift: Chlamydia.

It's quite ironic that people tell you "Happy Birthday," then they want to give you a spanking.

Hey, can you tell that a blonde likes you? She only gives you two nights in a row.

You're so ugly that when your mama had you, she tried to give you away, but there was nowhere to give you.

What is an animal that kids get for Christmas and can easily give to someone else?

A white elephant.

Five little monkeys jumping on a bed.

One fell off and bumped his head. Mamma called Walmart, and Walmart said,

"We will give you a replacement!"

How do you disrespect an Asian?

Give them driving lessons.

How do you piss off a color blind person?

Give them a Rubik's cube.

As a straight son, one day I asked my mom, "Have you ever quit something that you did before?" My mom said, "No, I never quit anything." So I asked my when you give a blow job you ever spit, then my mom said, "What did I say? Quitters are for spitters."

I used to believe everything in the Bible until I read about the Jew giving out the free fish.

Haters are hating. I'm still alluring, but I couldn't give a fuck cus this site is dying and boring.

Hey, I just want to give a round of applause to Shooter McFly, single-handedly keeping the jokes section alive. Unappreciated, well, Shooter, one person here appreciates you, at least.

My mom gives me your stuff because you have bad grades.

Me: How about my 5 little brothers? I have A's; he has F's.

She lets him play anyway and I don't.

*Riddle:* All men have one, some got long, some got small. The Pope never uses his, and a man gives it to his wife after getting married. What is it?

I asked my kid to give me a hand. That motherfucker cried while charging his mechanical arm.