Give Jokes

A man is walking on the deck of a cruise ship, when he sees a woman, without arms and legs, crying. The man says "What's wrong?" The woman says "I've never been hugged before." So, the man gives her a hug and walks away.

The next day, the man sees the woman, on the deck, crying again. The man says "What's wrong, now?" The woman says "I've never been kissed before." So, the man gives her a kiss and walks away.

The next day, the same thing occurs. The man says "Oh, for Christ's sake! What's wrong, this time?!" The woman says "Well, I've never been fucked before." So, the man picks her up, throws her into the ocean, and yells "YOU'RE FUCKED!"

Can some hot depressed suicidal guh give me his number so we can cry about being depressed and wanting to die...

A guy walks into a bar and tells the bartender “give me 2 beers”. The bartender gives him two beers and coughs in the guys beers bottles before giving it to him. The guy says to the bartender “hey what are u doing I didn’t order for bud lights I want corona beer”. The bartender replies “ sir I gave you a mix of bud light and corona and it’s on the house everyone is drinking corona tonight”.

Can’t believe how ungrateful my dwarf next door neighbor is. I saw him waiting at the bus stop earlier today and offered to give him a lift, but he told me to “fuck off”. In the end I decided to just close my rucksack and walk away.

life is like giving head...it always sucks

Three men are outside Heaven's gates waiting to be go to through Heaven. The angel at the gate tells them "Depending on the length of time and your faithfulness to your last partner decides your way across the bridge to Heaven".

The first guy says "I was with my wife for 5 years and cheated 3 times". The angel gives him an old model pick up, the second guy says "11 years and only once" and is granted a Mercedes.

The last man says "20 years and not once , I loved her with all my heart" and with the angel impressed he gets a gold edition Lamborghini and sets off ahead of the other two men. Hours later the two men catch up to him crying behind the wheel and one says " I know we are dead but it could be much worse".

The guy looks up and says "How! I just went past my wife on a skateboard"

God: you're gonna have 2 parents.

Orphan: douvle it and give it to the next person

yo mama is so fat they had to flood the superbowl to give her a bath

Your hairline is so long when you finally found the length of your hairline you told it to some one and they said don’t give me your phone number

What did the plane say to the tower? Give me a kiss.

What is it called if you give 100 disabled people guns?

Special Forces.

you look nice, and you seem like good fun, so if i give you this flower, will you finger my bum?

Royal aka ZEPHYR gets cucked daily by Tyrone

ZEPHYR watches Tyrone give his wife the genes he could never give her. What a loser

Comments and join dumbledore's army in the community to give someone you hate permanent bad luck

Why am I still alive? Pills give me stomache, blood makes faint, height frightens me...

A kid asks his dad why his name is expirence, the dad says that's what we give our mistake's.

my sister gives her hamster to my brother since she thinks im irresponsible so i throw it out the window

Those rape alarms give you a headache don't they?

Every body loves guns! Everytime I show them mine, they give me free stuff.

If life gives you melons, you're proababli dyslexic