Girl jokes
Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.
She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.
"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."
They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."
"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"
"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.
"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."
"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"
"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."
Rape is not funny!! What if you were the girl/boy getting raped?
Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!
Boy: I'm dead.
Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?
Boy: No, I was just born this way.
What did the man say to the girl?
You just milked a cow.
Girl: I like girls.
Dad: Ok?
Girl 2: I like girls too.
Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!
Boy: I do.
How did the blind girl get a date?
She said it was love at first sight.
What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”
I told a girl she was cute, and she said, "Aw, tysm."
How does she know I have that?
What do an emo girl and a blind girl have in common?
Black is their favorite color.
What's the difference between a piranha and a teenage girl?
The piranha doesn't wear makeup.
I woke up one day to find handcuffs on my bed. Turns out, the girl I drugged yesterday escaped.
Hey girl, are you a scientist?
Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.
A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.
The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.
What's the difference between an abortion and a baby girl in China? Nothing, they both die.
I'm always willing to go down on a special needs girl.
Momma always told me to eat my vegetables.
Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”
Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”
Boy: “Yeah, why?”
Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”
A guy gets home from work to see his girlfriend packing, and he asks her why she is packing. The girl says, "Because I found out you're a pedophile." The guy goes, "A pedophile?" And she says, "Yes." The guy goes, "That's a big word for a 12-year-old."
What's the difference between a pregnant girl and a light bulb?
... You can unscrew a light bulb, but you can't unscrew a pregnant girl.
Q: What do you call a girl walking down a street?
A: Lost, she's supposed to be in the kitchen.