Girl jokes

Sheila, the Aussie housewife, got out of the shower and slipped on the bathroom floor. Instead of falling over forwards or backwards, she did the splits and suctioned cupped herself to the floor.

She yelled out for her husband, "Bruce! Bruce!" and he came running in. "Bruce, I’ve bloody suctioned myself to the floor!" she said.

"S’truth, Sheila!" Bruce said, and tried to pull her up. "You’re stuck fast girl. I’ll go across the road and get me mate Cobber."

They came back and they both tried to pull her up from the floor. "No way, we can’t do it!" Cobber said, "So let’s try Plan B."

"Plan B?" exclaimed Bruce, "What’s that?"

"I’ll go home and get me hammer and chisel and we’ll break the tiles under her," replied Cobber.

"Spot on!" Bruce said, "While you’re doing that, I’ll stay here and play with her nipples."

"Play with her nipples?" Cobber said, "Not exactly a good time for that mate!"

"No... " Bruce replied, "But I reckon if I can get her wet enough, we can slide her into the kitchen where the tiles are a lot cheaper."

Rape is not funny!! What if you were the girl/boy getting raped?

Is your refrigerator running? "Yeah, I guess." Well, you better go catch it! Haha, I'm a girl, it's funny!

Boy: I'm dead.

Girl: Is that why you're so ugly?

Boy: No, I was just born this way.

Girl: I like girls.

Dad: Ok?

Girl 2: I like girls too.

Dad: Okay, so who likes boys?!

Boy: I do.

Why are there no women in the NFL?

Commissioner Roger Goodell firmly believes in equal opportunity, so the girl tries out. Then, if she makes the team, we gangbang her to death. I mean, could you imagine what a scary birch she'd have to be?

What did the man say to the girl?

You just milked a cow.

What did the girl say to the white guy? “You have a peener wiener!”

How did the blind girl get a date?

She said it was love at first sight.

Hey girl, are you a scientist?

Cause you made my thing into a baking soda volcano.

A magician walks up to a girl and asks her to feel the rabbit in the magician's hat.

The magician asks the girl to rub the rabbit. The girl notices the rabbit sticks up and drools; the hat was covering the hips.

Boy: “My heart MELTS for you.”

Girl: “OMG, are you okay?!?!”

Boy: “Yeah, why?”

Girl: “Because if your heart is melting, then you are NOT okay.”

I was walking in a park today and a little girl I asked, "Where are your parents?" She said, "Gone. My dad went to go get the milk and never came back," and I said, "Oof."

What did the emo guy say to the emo girl?

"Like ur cute g."

Don't break girls' hearts. Break their legs instead. They're two.

Why did the teenage girls travel in odd-numbered groups?

Because they can't get even.

Why did the student at Blacktown Girls cross the road? To go to heaven. HAHAHA

Having cockroaches in the house is a sign that you've food.

These things are like Ugandan girls, they hate poverty.

What does a cute deaf girl and a fire have in common?

They're both hot, but they're both quiet.

What’s worse than a girl getting a period?

A boy getting a period.