Gift jokes
So I got my sister shampoo for her birthday, and she stood there and threw her wig on the floor.
One day every kid at the orphanage got coal for Christmas. It was the second worst day of their lives.
I’m still wearing the smile you gave me last week :)
I heard life was a gift. Well, I hope they kept the receipt, because I'd like a mother-fucking refund!
God, aka Mr. Universe said he was God's gift to this earth, but where is he?
What did the cancer doctor say?
You just got a new Christmas present—cancer!
How did the toilet react when it received a gift?
That was so pot full (thoughtful)!
My and my penis never truly understood the words "Booby traps" until we met the ex-wife. God's gift of self-will was working fine until my penis went hard and my mind went blank, and God started laughing, and I swear I heard him say, "Booby trap" as he walked away! True story.
What did the deaf, dumb, blind, paraplegic, autistic baby get for Christmas? AIDs.
Poultry rape is no joke. It is God's gift to those who want a laugh.
What might an aborted child want for Christmas?
..... a home that isn't a bin.
A man is dating three women and has to choose which one he'll marry. He decides to give them a test. He gives each woman a present of $5000 and watches to see what she does with the money.
The first woman does a total make-over. She goes to a fancy beauty salon, gets her hair done, new make up and buys several new outfits to look sexy for the man. She tells him that she has done this to be more attractive for him because she loves him so much. The man was impressed.
The second woman goes shopping to buy the man gifts. She gets him a new set of golf clubs, some new gizmos for his computer, and some expensive clothes. As she presents these gifts, she tells him that she has spent all the money on him because she loves him so much. Again, the man is impressed.
The third woman invests the money in the stock market. She earns several times the $5000. She gives him back his $5000 and reinvests the remainder in a joint account. She tells him that she wants to save for their future because she loves him so much. Obviously, the man was impressed.
The man thought for a long time about what each woman had done with the money... Then he married the one with the biggest breasts.
What do orphans get for Christmas?
Lonely.
What did the orphan's friend give him for his birthday?
Lego, so he can build a home.
A boy got a soccer ball and a bike for Christmas. Why is he sad?
He doesn’t have legs.
My friend: You're so skinny, you never miss the elevator when it's closing. You just slip right through!😂
Me thinking it's a gift from God: 🕴️😎
Why are Santa's balls so big?
Because he comes once a year.
What did the pretty young pre-pubescent 14 year old boy say when he got a homosexual pedophile for Christmas?
He said he was awfully touched!
What did a fat cow give you?
Homework.
I hate my birthday. For my first birthday my mom gave me my life. I liked it when it was new and fun. Now it's broken and sad and I wanna take it back.