Gift jokes
You are getting Cole for Christmas, you shit fuckers.
Why does Santa have such a big sack? He only comes once a year.
Yo mama so stupid, she said, "Where are my gifts?" on Father's Day.
My girlfriend's dog died, so I got her a new one in replacement, and she went off on me and yelled,
"What am I supposed to do with 2 dead dogs in my house?!"
I helped my son (who is missing his arms) unwrap his Christmas present. The ungrateful bastard just sits there and cries, and it's a pair of mittens. The ungrateful bastard is just sitting there, crying.
Memes
LMAO
Why don't Asian kids believe in Santa Claus?
Because they're the ones who made the toys.
What did the blind kid get for his birthday?
I don't know, he still didn't look.
What's got 5 arms, 3 legs, and 2 feet? The finish line at the Boston Marathon.
What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves! Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.
What did the blind kid get for Christmas? He hasnβt seen it yet...
What did the kids with no arms get? He doesnβt know, heβs still trying to figure out how to open it. :))))
If I send a clown to deliver flowers to my wife...
...is that a romantic jester?
A sex addict man meets a rich man around Christmas.
The sex addict asks the rich man, "What are you getting your wife this Christmas?" The rich man replies, "Diamond earrings and a Mercedes." The sex addict asks, "Why are you getting her two gifts?" The rich man says, "Well, if she doesn't like the earrings then she can drive to the store and exchange them."
The sex addict nods. Then the rich man asks him, "So what are you getting your wife this year?" The sex addict thinks about it for a second and replies, "A gold necklace and a dildo."
The rich man asks, "Why those two things?" The sex addict astutely responds, "This way, if she doesn't like the jewelry she can go f... herself."
I gave my blind friend a cheese grater for his birthday. Next week he told me it was the most violent book he ever read.
I gave an orphan an iPhone X for a reason.
It doesnβt have a home button.
What did Santa Claus bring Michael Jackson for Christmas? His elves! πππ
Why are orphans so happy on Christmas? Because they might get a family.
I got a reversible jacket for Christmas, I can't wait to see how it turns out.
I gave a deaf kid air pods for his birthday.
What did the little girl with no arms get for Christmas?
I don't know, she's still trying to open it...
My mom got a clown for my birthday, but it ended up being my sister. π€‘
For a present on Christmas, I gave an orphan a phone, just without a home button.