Gift jokes

There was this man, and he forgot about his wife's birthday. She was very upset and said that her present should come as fast as 1-200 by tomorrow. When she woke up, she saw a present in the bathroom. It was a scale.

Last week was my blind friend's birthday. I thought I would give him something really good that he may need.

As I walk into his house and give him a cheese grater for a birthday present, he sets it next to him. As weeks pass, he comes up to me. He said, "That present that you gave me for my birthday was the most intense book I have ever read!"

What did the bald man exclaim when he received a comb for a present?

What did the blind, deaf, mentally handicapped orphan get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What did Hitler get for his 6th birthday?

A Kewpie burger and an Easy-Bake Oven.

What present can a pimp always buy his hoes to both show how much he thinks of them and know they can never get enough of?

Condoms!

What do you call a blond with half a brain? Gifted.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

Why was Stephen Hawking disappointed when he got his Christmas present? It was singing lessons.

I got my little girl a hand sewing kit for her birthday and she cried. I didn't understand why until I realized that she had no hands to sew with.

Putin: You came from the West and showered me with gifts.

Trump: And your prostitutes, they showered me with piss.

What does the child with no hands get for Christmas? Unknown. He hasn't opened it yet.

What does a homeless man in New York get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

What does the blind, deaf child get for Christmas?

Cancer.

What’s it called when you give an emo some rope as a present?

Murder.

Hi everyone, my mom got me an iPad today, and this is really cool. Can someone tell me what decapitation is?

What does an orphan get for Christmas? Hypothermia.

In the realm of pixels and screens, Josh pursues videos, a world unseen. Six dollars exchange, a transaction made, A story told, emotions cascade.

The power of film, a gift divine, Stirring souls, weaving through time. Six dollars spent, a connection formed, A simple act, a heart transformed.

In every frame, a universe unfolds, Captivating minds, stories untold. Josh buys videos for six, a token small, Yet within them lies magic, captivating all.

Do you know why Santa's sack is so big? He only comes once a year.

What did Hitler get for his birthday?

A G.I. Jew and an Easy Bake Oven.

When your mom tells you there's a present in the laundry room,

The present: Laundry.

*gunshot*