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Taking you to go grocery shopping does have its perks... You get to scan their wrists for discounts!
What happens when the orphan at school gets sent home?
A guy walks with a young boy into the woods. The boy turns to him and says, "Hey mister, it's getting really dark and I'm scared."
The man replies, "How do you think I feel? I have to walk back alone!"
Why do mostly younger orphans get adopted?
Because who wants a traffic an adult?
How do you get two deaf people from fighting?
Turn off the lights and walk out.
I keep getting ads about belly fat.
Can I watch you?
Yes, you can watch me your watch.
No, I mean can I WATCH you?
I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.
OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!
No matter how lonely you get, you have Explain Bear.
Explain Bear is always there for you.
Heh heh, get it? 69! Ha ahahaha!
I'd tell a science joke, but I was like, "Nah, it would get no reaction."
If you have an Autistic child, don't worry. Put your trust in God and pray it gets kidnapped.
Milk makes you tall, right?
Well how did you get tall if your dad didn't come back with the milk?
How did the tree get sick?
It got tinsel-itis.
What’s the difference between Apple and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
Why shouldn't you get in a fight with a dinosaur?
You'll get jur ass kicked.
What does a gay guy and an ambulance have in common?
They both get loaded from the rear and go...woo woo woo.
What's the quickest way to get to the hospital? Just stand in the middle of a busy road.
What's red and bad for your teeth? A brick.
What do my dad and Nemo have in common? They both can't be found.
What do you do after raping a deaf person? Cut their fingers off so they don't tell anyone.
MORE JOKES COMING SOON LMAO ;]
Why do New Yorkers get what Spider-Man is saying?
Because he always makes spider-sense.
The poacher agrees but says that his assistant is ill and will need the man to come with him in his assistant's place. The man agrees, and so the poacher goes out to the jungle with the man.
The poacher brings a pair of handcuffs, a long stick, a shotgun, and a dog. They search through the jungle for about an hour and then spot a male gorilla above in the treetops.
The man asks the poacher what the plan is. The poacher replies, "I'm going to climb the tree and, when I get close enough, I'm going to start poking the gorilla with the stick until it falls out of the tree.
The dog is a specially trained dog. When the gorilla falls out of the tree, the dog will try to bite off the gorilla's balls. When the gorilla moves its hands to protect its balls, you put the handcuffs on it."
This all seems to make sense to the man, but he has one question. "What is the shotgun for?" he asks the poacher. The poacher responds: "If I fall out of the tree before the gorilla, shoot the dog."