Get jokes

What happens when a strawberry gets run over crossing the street? Traffic jam.

There was a man. He came home with his friends from the bar and man was he ever wasted! Their friends made sure to get him home safely. The next morning, he woke up and found blood all over his nightstand. He called his friends and asked for his alarm clock back.

I can't take my dog to the pond anymore because the ducks keep attacking him. That's what I get for buying a pure bred dog.

What's the difference between orphans and apples?

Apples get picked.

Akeld: Do you think I should get an edges or a tapeline?

Me: Why not make both of them there? They're both messed up anyway.

Every time a Light Saber goes off, it's just a Jedi Master getting hard over a kid. Lol.

If an emo doesn't get better by Christmas, Santa's reindeer won't be the only thing jumping off roofs this year.

My ex is like AIDS! I can't get rid of him.

Why is a rap boat like a dog?

They both get off sniffing assholes.

I am curious how many likes this will get.

LIKE IT!!!!!

Why did the orphan stop playing baseball?

He could never get a home run.

My husband asked me to get 6 cans of Sprite at the store. I realized when I got home that I had picked 7-Up.

So I was at a restaurant and I really hit it off with the waitress, so one thing led to another and I'm at her place and she was really nice at the IHOP but when I was there with her she was all like "ahhh! what are you doing!?!?!? how did you get in my house?!?!?" and then she punched me and I'm the one who ended up in prison.

Bro, living is so expensive, and I'm not even having fun doing it or getting my money's worth.

Why did Little Sally get hurt while playing soccer?

Because she fell into a minefield.

When your wife takes 30 minutes to get ready.

Me: Takes five minutes.

Me: Hun, you done yet?

My wife wanted a boob job. I told her it was too expensive.

I told her all she has to do is take some toilet paper and rub it in between her boobs for a few days, and they would get bigger. She asked, "How is that supposed to work?"

I replied, "I don't know how it works, but it did a heck of a job on your ass!"

Hey Jorden Calerendiá, your last name sounds like a sea food shop that I get my fish from.

Your roasting is trash just like you. Boy, stop roasting on Addison and Gwen and others; you're probably 5 years old trying to dislike that. That roasting is like from 1920, get a life.

What’s the best way to make sure you don’t get COVID?

Suicide.

Can I watch you?

Yes, you can watch me your watch.

No, I mean can I WATCH you?

I don't get it. 😑 *facepalm*.

OOOOOOH YOU MEAN WATCH WITH YOUR EYES! YES!