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What will fall faster, an emo or an apple?
An apple, because the emo would get caught on the rope.
Science gets you to the moon.
Religion flies you into buildings.
Why does the basketball never get a date?
Because they dribble.
Dad: Johnny, Johnny?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Getting women?
Johnny: Yes, Papa.
Dad: Telling lies?
Johnny: No, Papa.
Dad: Well, you're 100% lying because you get NO WOMEN!
What time is it when a cow sits on your fence? Time to get a new fence!
Who gets more dick, straight male rap fans or straight male swifties? Answer: Straight male rap fans, because there’s no such thing as a straight male swiftie.
My wife still misses me... But her aim is getting better!
Hear about the new restaurant called Karma?
There’s no menu: You get what you deserve.
Well, yo mama is fat, and when she loses weight, all the food that she has is hers, but the Africans get none.
Why did the Orphan punch the other orphan?
Because the orphan broke his leg then had to get a retirement fund, so then he farted and got 1m dollars in cash, so then he started eating his toe jam and thought it tasted really good, so he started selling it to Taco Bell, then ate a cow. All the sudden he was attacked by hangry aliens then gave them some toe jam. They loved it, so they farted there way back up to space where they were eating Harold's fresh toe jam. It was so good, then one of the aliens ate there dog, so had to go the dollar tree to get it out then started gagging on one of the aliens' 2 meter defeater, and then the Orphan made out with the other Orphan and had a wedding at playground sharting happily ever after.
How do you get your appeal for rape charges accepted? Say you were expressing your desire for a woman, which is protected under the Constitution in freedom of expression.
What do you get when you mix Viagra with spinach?
Strong to the finish.
Random person: "What's one thing your ex gave you that you can't get rid of?"
Man: *Shows a picture of his child.*
You will find your dad that left to get the milk before your hairline.
Yo mama is so ugly, when she got raped, the rapist was the one getting PTSD!
What's the best thing about Covid-19? It gets into any kid.
How do you get a nun pregnant?
Fuck her hahaha 🤣
Why did the chicken kill himself?
To get to the other side.
Boy goes to Confession.
Boy: "What are you doing, Father?"
Priest: "It's called masturbation, and soon you will be doing it."
Boy: "Why do you say that, Father?"
Priest: "'Cause my hand is getting tired!"
-not my joke
What do hookers and porn stars have in common? They get paid for sex and get STD's.