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Dark humor is like a kid with cancer.
It never gets old.
What do you call a kid who's been kidnapped?
Well, her name's Sally, so I guess... Sally. My main concern is getting her out of the freezer.
How do you get bubblegum out of your hair?
Cancer.
Weather is like sex. Once in a while you need to get wet.
You can understand depression if you are still in school and get bullied by bullies, punished by teachers, and scolded by parents for being that quiet kid who says nothing.
What do you get if you cross diarrhea with incest?
I don't know.
Neither do I, but it runs in the family.
Why is the Catholic church in favor of condoms now?
It's now getting harder to hide DNA evidence.
I don't get this. Why is it I go to an orphanage and all of a sudden they said I used to be the cutest baby there?
This dwarf was being mean to me, so I said, "When you get home, I hope Snow White kicks the shit out of you."
Slavery and discipline, it's kind of the same thing. You get whipped for doing the wrong thing.
As I get older, I remember all the people I lost along the way. Maybe a career as a tour guide was not the right choice.
It's telling that Ye gets more offended when he's called a gayfish than a Nazi.
How do you get a light bulb horny? You turn it on!
Why did the plane cross the road? To get to the other tower.
What did the north tower say to the south tower during the summer? Get ready for fall!
I hate jokes about 9/11... every joke has the tendency to crash and burn.
"I didn't get the joke at first, but then it hit me like a plane," the joke was so dark a cop almost shot it.
What's the difference between an orphan and cotton?
One gets picked.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan? The apple's actually get picked.
What did the orphan say to the other orphan?
"Get into the Batmobile, Robin."
Why did the orphan get an iPhone X for his birthday?
Because it has no home button.