Get jokes

How did I get to Iraq? I ran.

What is Harry Potter's favorite way to get down a hill? Walking, JK Rowling.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

What do Rihanna and a DJ have in common?

They know how to get a beat down.

My girlfriend wanted a marriage just like a fairy tale. Fair enough. I gave her a loaf of bread and left her in the forest, telling her we can get married once she makes her way out.

What's the worst part about breaking up with a Japanese girl?

You gotta drop the bomb twice before she gets it.

What's the fastest way to get to the hospital? Stand in the middle of the road.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”