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What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?... one gets picked.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

What do parents tell little boys to make them behave?

"Be good, or when you're asleep, Michael Jackson will get you!"

My homework was to watch as much porn as I can... and tell my teacher the details so he won't get in trouble for watching it during class.

What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

I told my mom to get rope for a project, and when she got home, I got the good old coat hanger out and hung myself up.

what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

What do you get when you mix birth control and LSD?

A trip without kids.

The cemetery is so crowded, people are just dying to get in.

Why can’t orphans get married?

Because they were already given away.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

A guy was in one of the Twin Towers and he ordered pepperoni pizza, but he didn't get it. He got a plane instead.

What did the blind kid get for his birthday?

I don't know, he still didn't look.

What does Michael Jackson get high on? A little crack.

The Good Old Days.

You don't appreciate a lot of stuff in school until you get older. Little things like being spanked every day by a middle-aged woman: Stuff you pay good money for in later life.

Dad: We are giving your toys to the orphanage.

Kid: Why?

Dad: So you won't get bored.

I don't get it.

Orphans are very religious, well mostly. Statistics say that roughly 2/3 of the orphan population go to church. I mean it's the only place they can call someone "father".

What's the difference between an orphan and a vegetable?

The vegetable gets picked.