Get jokes

What did the trans woman say after finally telling her parents about her surgeries?

“It felt really good to get that off my chest.”

Are you a bullet? Because I can't get you out of my head.

Guys, we need to stop making jokes about orphans. Their parents might get upset. Oh, wait... never mind.

Why can't an orphan get married? It doesn't have its parents' blessing.

Why can’t orphans get married?

Because they were already given away.

Girls are like rocks, the flat ones get skipped.

Little Johnny saw his dad getting head from his mom. Johnny asked what they were doing, and mom stopped and said she was fixing his dad's pants. Little Johnny says, "That explains what the lady next door was doing."

A mirror and a beer bottle are arguing.

The beer bottle says: "If you break me, you get one year of bad luck."

The mirror scoffs: "Oh, that's nothing. You break me and you get 7 years of bad luck."

The condom overhears these arguments and walks off laughing.

My wife told me she’ll slam my head into the keyboard if I don’t get off the computer.

I’m not too worried—I think she’s jokingdkdkslalkdlkfjslfjslksdlkfjuahehwhgwdklaljdf.

what is the difference between an apple and an orphan?

The apple gets picked.

What do you call an LGBTQ person getting grilled? LGBBQ.

Why don’t cheetahs get married?

They always cheat on each other.

An ICE agent tells a Mexican that he can get his green card if he can use green, pink, and yellow correctly in a sentence. The Mexican thinks for a minute and says, "My phone goes green, green, and I pink it up and say yellow."

Q. What do you get when you blindfold a racist?

A. A Notsee.

I started a new job. My boss said, "Hi, my name is Rebecca, but people call me Becky." I said, "My name is Kyle, but people call me Dick."

She said, "How do you get Dick from Kyle?" I replied, "You just ask nicely."

What does an orphan and a military man not have in common? Neither gets to go back home.

What does a pregnant slave and a payless sale have in common?

Buy one, get one free.

Roses are red. Watches are gold. Get on your knees and do what you're told.

What do you get when you cross a bisexual male that is a catholic priest and a christian police officer that is a bisexual male and a born again homophobic heteroflexable male that is a christian nationalist who is in the closet a gay man that needs to be force out of the closet by any means necessary?

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Because she had no arms."

"Why couldn’t she get up off the ground?" "Because she had no friends."

"Knock knock." "Who’s there?" "Not Susie, she’s still on the ground."

"Where did Susie go when the bomb went off?" "Everywhere."

"Why couldn’t Susie scratch her leg?" "Because it was in a different body bag."

"Why did Susie drop her ice cream?" "She was hit by a bus."

"Why did Susie fall off the swing?" "Someone threw a refrigerator at her."