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Little Johnny is walking around and peeks in his parents' room, catching them having sex. So he asks, "What are you guys doing?" and they reply, "Nothing, nothing! We're just, uh, making cake," and they send him away.

So he continues walking around, and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother's room. He walks in and catches his brother and his brother's girlfriend having sex and then asks him, "What are you guys doing?" and his brother yells, "Get out! We're making cake!"

So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says, "So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night, huh?" and she replies, "OMG! How'd you know!?" and Johnny replies, "Because I licked the icing off the couch."

When I get naked in the shower, it gets turned on.

Dark jokes are like a new day. Suicidal people don't get it.

What's the same about "Make a Wish Program" and "Dark Jokes"?

They never get old.

I'm funny but sad, I submit jokes you'll love. Look for my name in jokes you've read. Anyway.

What did the man with no hands get for his birthday? Gloves. Just kidding, he didn't have the chance to open the gifts.

So I'm banging the fuck out of this slutty chick, right?

And I'm thinking to myself, "She's PROBABLY got AIDS." So I go and get myself tested and, lo and behold, I'm positive.

This gets me thinking, "Where the fuck does an eight year old get AIDS?!"

"Who has my sister been hanging out with?!"

Don't let an extra chromosome get you down.

I was gonna walk up to an emo and say, "Do you get jealous when your phone dies?"

A horse walks into a bar.

Several of the patrons quickly get up and leave, realizing the potential danger in the situation.

Dark humor is like parents, not everybody gets it.

A pedophile lures a group of Houston Girl Scouts with "Hey girls, would you like some candy?" They all agree and follow him to his neighborhood. There he offers them some more candy and they follow him to his house. Once again he offers them candy to go in to his house. In the lounge he offers them candy to go to his room. As he leads them up the stairs one of them pipes up and says "God, I hope we get laid before we get diabetes."

When a midget smokes weed, do they get high or medium?

Why did Sally get to go to Hawaii for free?

She washed up on the beach.

What do girls and rocks have in common?

The flat ones get skipped.

You wanna know how to get rid of potential scam callers?

Next time you get a call from them, just answer the phone and say, "Pizza Hut abortion clinic, where yesterday's loss is today's sauce, how may I help you?"

This chess game against America and England is getting interesting. First, America lost both of its towers, but now England has lost its queen.

Why are orphans so good at tennis?

Because that’s the only love they get.

How do you get a one-armed man out of a tree?

You wave at him.

What do you get when you cross a road with a stalker?

Raped.

Why did Wi-Fi and the computer get married?

Because they had a connection.