Get jokes

Your momma is so fat, when she gets done having sex she rolls over and smokes a ham.

What falls and never gets hurt? Rain ☔

What do you get when you cross a cat and a dinosaur? A cat-astrophe!

What's the first thing that a battered woman does when she gets out of the shelter?

My last if she knows what's good for her.

Why the actual f

is there drama on this website? Anyone can fake to be someone they're not and no one will know the goddam difference. I’m just trying to look at/make jokes, and I’m getting shit from people saying, “It’s too offensive,” or something like that. Goddam, just take that shit somewhere else!

I have fun going on them roller coasters that go really high up and sitting by random people, and once we get to the high point, I look at the stranger and go "wham" and unplug their seat belt.

One day, Little Johnny needs to use the bathroom. His mom is in there, so he went in to use it and asked his mom, "What is that between your legs?"

His mom told him that is her bush. Then the next day the same thing happened, but with his dad. He asked his dad, "What is that between his legs?" He said, "My snake."

The same thing happened one more time, except with his grandmother. Little Johnny asked grandma what is on her chest. She said, "My headlights."

One night, Little Johnny caught his parents doing something naughty. Then he said, "Grandma, grandma, turn on your headlights! Daddy's snake is trying to get into mommy's bush!"

I was going home and 3 guys came up to me: an Italian, a Black guy, and a Spanish guy. They said, "You should be a proud brother, your sister knows her meats." I didn't know what they were talking about. They said, "Your sister won a trophy, you will see it when you get home." I went home. My sister said, "Look, I won a trophy by knowing my meats." I said, "What do you mean?" She said, "Well, 3 guys blindfolded me and I gave them a blowjob, each one of them, and I guessed which flavor it was. I was right all the time, that's how I won my trophy." As a big brother, I couldn't be any prouder.

What do you get when the queen farts a noble gas?

What do you get when a dino farts? A blast from the past.

Why are ninja farts so dangerous? They are silent but deadly.

What does dark humor and a child with cancer have in common?

That I will never get old.

Why did the disabled chicken cross the road?

To get its wheelchair!

What do you get when you cross a rapper with an accountant?

Jay-Z and B.

What do you say when your pet pig gets lost?

This is a pig problem!

Want one way to get a free haircut?

Call the cancer hotline.

Why can’t girls in the Middle East smoke weed?

Because they’ll get stoned.

Where did Joe go after getting lost in a minefield?

Everywhere.

Why is an orphan's least favorite day field trip day?

Because they can't get a parent's signature.

Flat girls be like, "I will have breasts in the future." This is to all the flat girls: you will never get it.

What can orphans not get when playing a sport?

A home run!

Why do orphans like playing tennis so much?

Because it’s the only way they’ll ever get love.