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Suicide

    • A hot woman is ready to jump from a bridge and commit suicide when an ugly, stinky homeless man comes up to her and tells her, "Oh baby, you so hot, let's fuck!"

    She just yells, "Get the fuck away, you creep!"

    He just laughs and says, "Alright, I'll wait down there."

  • 1

    • Erection

    • What does General Grievous say after he gets his penis growth pills?

    A fine addition to my erection.

  • 0
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    Luck

    • Guys, say "I love gape horn" really loud and you will get good luck for 10 years.

  • 0

    • Diarrhea

    • Whenever I have diarrhea, my roommate gets constipated.

    When I told him this, he said, "Are you kidding me?"

    I said, "I shit you not."

  • 1

    • Alien

    • Things said by racist aliens:

    "Some of my best friends are Green."

    "I just know that Orange guy stole my spaceship."

    "You're very pretty for a Purple girl."

    "We know you Tentacletians like to rape everyone with your tentacles!"

    "Adax Hitao should have finished off you Bluish people."

    "You 2-headed people are so stupid!"

    "No Slimatians are allowed in this restaurant because of health codes."

    "Get out of my store you grigger!"

    "The Plu Plux Plum meeting is tonight! Let's burn some spaceships on the Greenies' lawns!"

  • 1

    • Baby

    • What's the difference between a baby and a bowling ball?

    You can't use a pitchfork to get the bowling ball out of the truck.

  • 2

    • Genie

    • A magic genie tells Tom, "I can make anything of yours disappear!"

    Tom raises his mug and says, "Okay, get rid of my tea."

    Genie: Poof!

    Tom: It didn't work.

  • 3

    • Emo

    • Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.