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My life is so meaningless that I committed a crime just to get shot. 0-0

This is not a joke; this is just about death...

Was busy robbing a house as quietly as possible and saw a woman catching me in the act, decided to get her in on the act and gave away my location from the noise.

What is one question on a tech test you should always ask before getting down?

What in the Robot!?

How do you get an emo out of the tree?

You cut the rope.

What's the difference between an orphan and an apple tree?

The apples get picked.

How to protect your nuts from being hit: Just get hard.

I was bullying a little kid for having a purple eye and said, "Where'd you get that? Your mom? Your dad?"

After that, everyone in my group was laughing at the kid. The next day I never saw him again.

This isn't a joke but...

GET IN THE VAN, JANICE!

I hope every time you watch YouTube, you get 30 second unskippable ads!

I saw a kid in a wheelchair, and he was getting bullied. I said, "Stand up for yourself!"

What do you call getting assaulted by a gay man? Fruit punch.

Little Johnny likes to play with toy guns.

Little Johnny paints them black.

Little Johnny went to a gun store.

Little Johnny made a big mess.

The cemetery people were getting paid.

Amber Heard Daily Routine:

Get out of bed, drink coffee, take a shit on Johnny Depp's bed.

Why did the impostor vent... to get to the other side?

It was my cousin's birthday and my mom said what should we get her? I said a rope.

Best thing ever right here.

So, there is this app on your phone called ringer. Go into it. There is a 12-15 digit number. Enter that into my phone, my dick will get 12-15 inches longer.

If every time someone faints when they see your face and I get 1 cent, I would be a trillionaire.

One day, someone's ex was going to the kitchen to get something to eat, and her ex-boyfriend was there and gave her an apple. Next minute, she had chlamydia. What did the boyfriend do?

Stephen Hawking was a spac. But if you put an E on the end, you get space, and he loved that.

Why is an orphan into worshiping Satan?

'Cause they get to call someone "master" and be freaky.