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Baby

What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.

Woman

Mortar is like a woman's fanny; the more you play with it, the wetter it gets.

My tutor just said this quote of 2k18^^^

Pontypool is rough.

Picture

So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.

That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.

Memes

Baby

How do you get ten babies in a bowl?

A blender.

How do you get them out?

Doritos.

Song

What song is sung when conceiving?

"Let's Get Physical, Physical!"

Orphan

If you ever get bored, just punch an orphan in the face. What's he going to do? Tell his parents?

Brodie

What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.

Mama

Yo mama so fat when she wanted to get wet, she used the highway as a slippin' slide!

Chicken

Why did the chicken cross the road?

To try to get away from the man.

Why did the man cross the road?

Because his d**k was stuck in the chicken.

Bar

So, three guys are walking carefully into a bar.

The bartender said, "What can I get you, gentlemen?"

Bit

8 bit: Are you ok?

7 bit: Yes, I’m just a bit off...

Get it? 8 bits = a byte :)

Love

"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"

Car

What time is it when you get home, can you walk walk home and walk walk home to get a car? I love you, you're the night!

Orphan

What's an orphan's favorite sport?

Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.

Name

What name do you get if you mix the names Chris and Marisa?

Then you get the name Chrisa.