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Why don't nurses like giving old people baths or showers?
Because they don't want their vegetables to get soggy.
I bought my fat wheelchair son a treadmill for his birthday, then that big brainless special motherfucker cried over it and threw a fit cuz his fat special ass couldn't get up out of his wheelchair and said for Jesus to raise him up and give him working and movable legs.
What's the different when a little boy drops in Japan then and now?
When a little boy falls today he gets back up. But then everyone fell and never came back up.
Q: What do men and math tests have in common?
A: They get cheated on.
Normally the reason you don't get a knife when you ask for one is because the person you asked is emo.
Witches do not wear undies. Why? To get a better grip on their broomsticks.
What do you call a rapper who CAN’T GET OUT OF BED IN THE MORNING?
Snooze Dogg.
Why did the person get fired from the calendar factory?
Because they took a day off.
Does anyone know where I can get that picture that went around the internet of Steven Hawking looking at the stairway to Heaven and saying “Oh Fu-k”?
Why do science jokes usually get no reaction?
Because they're so boron!
When I am getting bored, I hold a banana and start shaking it suddenly. It gives out juice after a few minutes. I get excited. Ohhhhhh!
Try with a cucumber.
What's an orphan's favorite sport?
Tennis because it's the only love they'll get.
What time is it when you get home? Time to sleep.
"I love you, you too. I-eeeeeee was the night. Time is it when you you get a typical sleep night. Is oooooooo, is it a walk home was the night night and a tree is it?"
8 bit: Are you ok?
7 bit: Yes, I’m just a bit off...
Get it? 8 bits = a byte :)
What gets louder as it gets smaller?
A baby in a blender.
What do you call a person who tries to get you on a dating website... a Brodie.
So I was looking through my pictures and I found a picture of a random kid that took a picture of his ugly face. It looked like someone that got hit by a car, then a bus, then a semi.
That’s what I get for not having a password on my iPad.
Why did the chicken cross the playground?
To get to the other slide.
What sits in the corner and gets smaller and smaller? A baby with a potato peeler.