Get jokes

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

Puppies actually get picked.

When the school shooter says to get on the ground, but the sped kid thinks it's Simon Says!

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

Dark humor is like water.

Some people get it, others don't.

Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.

What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

The apples actually get picked.

Why did the emo kid get mad?

I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck.

So I went to Comic-Con and saw a man with an arm missing, and I thought, "Cool display," until I heard him screaming and getting the other arm chopped off. Then I said, "Man, now that's a 10/10 display, wow!"

Q: How do you get a squirrel to like you? A: Act like a nut! 😂

Q: Why don't eggs tell jokes? A: Because they'd crack each other up.

Son: Dad, can you put my shoes on? Dad: No, son, I don't think they would fit me.

I'm on a seafood diet. When I see food, I eat it.

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me.

A man driving along a country road sees a little girl crying next to a cliff. He gets out and says, "Aw, what's the matter little girl?"

She points off the cliff, and at the bottom is the family car, burning with everyone inside, all mangled and dead.

The man unbuckles his pants and says, "Little girl, today just ain't your day."

A man from France, a man from Britain, and a man from New York are on an expedition to the Amazon Forest. After a while, they get lost. As they are walking, suddenly the bushes jump up into the air, and men with spears are there.

One man says, "Hey, you're in our sacred land. So, what we are going to do is skin you and then use your flesh to make canoes. But we aren’t that crazy, so we will let you choose how you die."

The man from France said, "Bring me the poison."

The man from Britain said, "Bring me the gun."

And the man from New York said, "Bring me a fork."

The guy was confused with the fork but still brought the items and gave them to them. The guy from France said, “For France!” and drank the poison and died. The man from Britain said, “Long live the Queen!” and shot himself and died. And the man from New York started stabbing himself with the fork and said, “MAKE A CANOE OUT OF THIS YOU FUCKERS!”

What do orphans and olden day actors have in common?

Both get food thrown at them some of the time.