Get jokes

What do me and a casino machine have in common? It takes about 50 pumps to get to the jackpot.

Want my cookie? Come and get it... 😭

Would you rather get a massage from a man or get major surgery from a woman?

Why did the emo kid get mad?

I wore a “Just Do It” shirt.

I love going to church to get closer to God, but my least favorite part of church has to be touching the priest’s penis.

What did the boy with no hands get for Christmas? Gloves!

Nah, just kidding... He still hasn't unwrapped his present.

Where did Josh go after getting lost on a minefield? Everywhere.

How to get rid of your depression:

1. Stop self-pitying.

2. Realize you can't.

3. Fucking deal with it.

You're welcome.

Yo mama so fat that when she tried to get on the train, it said, "Weight limit passed, everyone get off!"

What do you get when you dip a duck in blue paint?

A very pissed duck.

What's the difference between an apple tree and an orphan?

The apples actually get picked.

Why couldn't the orphan get an Android? Because it didn't have a home button.

What's the difference between puppies and orphans?

Puppies actually get picked.

What’s the difference between cotton and an orphan?

One gets picked.

What is the same between water and dark jokes?

Not everyone gets it!

Why do orphans get confused about ancient Egypt? Because they wouldn’t know what a mummy is.

Dark humor is like water.

Some people get it, others don't.

Did you hear about the baby with cancer? It never gets old.

What's the difference between a newborn baby and an orphan after a rugby match?

They both come out bloody and crying, but at least one gets picked up.

Me: Hey friend!

Friend: Yes?

Me: What is the missing sense? Seeing, smelling, _, tasting, hearing.

Friend: Touch.

Me: What do you spawn on Minecraft always? (jk only 99.99%)

Friend: Grass.

Me: And you get?

Friend: Touch grass.