Future jokes
A married woman asked her husband if he saw the future. The husband answered her, "I have no eye, dear."
Mom, can I be a firefighter when I grow up?
Mom: Oh, you won't grow up, Caillou.
Johnny Depp once said in an interview: "I get older, my girlfriends stay the same age."
Maybe Johnny Depp's soulmate isn't born yet. We'll see in 20-25 years.
Our soon to be ex-Justice Minister is trying to distract us from his own misconduct charges by funding advocates for crime victims.
He should fund proctologists too because he'll likely need both after prison.
Me in 2078 when the COVID-19 delta alpha theta beta cya layta alligayta nlgga chungus sussy deef clussy sussy bussy cunnybrap variant comes out and I need to stay in lockdown for another 2 years with my new mandated virus stopper buttplug 9000.
Your forehead is so big that you can see the whole world before you do!
Comebacks when someone say: Bully: "Your teeth is so yellow that when you start smiling you slow down the traffic." Say: "At least its brighter than your future."
The only thing brighter than my future is the fire on the World Trade Center.
Rape is no laughing matter. The reason why women are not believed in rape is because of you mother fucking shitbirds with no future who will become drunkards and drug dealers who go broke and live on the street getting hit by a fucking car. Fuck all of you sadists who think this kind of shit is funny, well shut the fuck up. Go jump off a bridge or get hit by car and I hope you fucking sickos die.
Stop rape. Stop rappe. Stop rapibg innocent children and women and men. I am done with rape. I am done with it!
What do you call a blonde in the freezer?
Her parents named her Jessica, so we should probably continue to call her that. She was supposed to graduate tomorrow.
Global warming will kill every single person on this planet.
It's a good thing I'm married.
Kid on Xbox: I'm not a virgin. Ask your sister.
Bully on Xbox: I don't have a sister, dumbass.
Kid on Xbox: You will in 9 months.
My fitness guru said that if I got raped, it would help me in future marathons.
The teacher asked the class what they wanted to be when they grew up.
Johnny said when he grows up he's going to be a motherfucking hustler. He's going to have a wife and live in a big house in the country with maids and butlers and drive a Rolls-Royce, and he's also going to have an apartment in the city where his side bitch is going to live. He's going to buy her expensive jewelry, whatever she wants: cars, diamonds, clothes, shoes.
The teacher didn't know what to say, so she calls on Sally. "What do you want to be when you grow up?"
Sally said, "I want to be Johnny's bitch."
People with bad past end up creating the worst future...
Someday you'll go far.
My girlfriend told me that she wonders what our kids will look like.
No, they will be wondering what I look like.
Teacher says, "Okay class, today we're gonna talk about what everyone wants to be when they grow up." Little Johnny, how about you go first."
Little Jonny: "I want to be a speed bump when I grow up!"
Yo mama so fat, her future is brighter than VY Canis Majoris!
What will you call Burj Khalifa after 100 years?
"Bujurg" Khalifa. (Just a joke)