Future jokes
Look at the bright side!
The worst is behind us.
What has two legs and bleeds?
Half a cat.
Why did the hobo go back to the future?
To stop himself from wasting all his money on a rigged casino machine.
What time do you call me tomorrow?
Sometimes I have this incredible urge to grab a child from school and yell, "I'm you from the future!"
It's hard to predict the future,
especially before it happens.
1979: I bet there will be "flying cars" in "the future."
2019: The flying cars future.
My girl is so cute when she sleeps. I watch her all the time... Tomorrow I might say hi to her for the first time.
We’ll be back.
My future is so bright, I need a flashlight to see where I'm going.
I want a job cleaning mirrors. I could really see myself doing it!
Suicide gives you security for the future.
Decide the day of suicide and live with full joy till that day, and you can choose to postpone it.
"Where ya going?"
"When I die, hell, but right now, my room."
Caesar went to the future only to see how the Romans forgot Julius Caesar but only made a salad... I think it would have been better if Caesar stayed dead.
Teacher: What’s 2+2?
Jimmy: 2+2=feEesh
Teacher: Well, Jimmy I can see you're going places, not college, but places.
Why did the Oreo go to the dentist?
🎉🎇🎊🎆🎈
My girlfriend's last words:
"I can’t wait to become a mom!"
I talked to a future suicide bomber. I told him, "ISIS ain't got sh** on me because I planted a bomb and lived."
People are making end of the world jokes, like there's no tomorrow.
Past, present, and future walked into a bar... things got tense :). Pls send help, yet once again :).