What animal has five legs? A pitbull returning from a playground.
How did Stephen Hawking die?
He lost a water gun fight.
There was a fancy dress party; the theme was emotions.
One guy came dressed in green, and he was envy; another person came dressed in red, and she was anger; another guy came dressed in blue, and he was sadness. Two Indians came, one came with a hole in a pear and his d*** was in the pear, said he was deep in dis"pear." The other Indian came with his d*** in custard, and he said he was f***ing dicustard!
One day, a skeleton wasn't laughing. Someone asked him why he was not laughing. It turns out he fell and broke his bone, his funny bone that is.
A Nacho has a problem going on, and the Taco says to the Nacho, "Wanna taco 'bout it?"
And the Nacho says to the Taco, "It's nacho problem!"
What do you call a moose that doesn't want to be known? Anonymoose.
Knock knock. "Who's there?" "Grandma." "Oh, okay."
Nah, it's a penis.
Why can you never hear bunnies having sex? Because they have cotton balls.
Why does a chicken cross the road?
To poop and pee in the potty!
What's the difference between a snowman and a snow lady?
Snowballs!
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
Josh: Tell me something funny.
Mark: My life.
Why couldn’t the bike stand up?
Because it was “two tired”!
Fuck you people who made those jokes! (but some were funny but the starving one is messed up!)
I accidentally drank a little food coloring last night. I ended up dying inside.
An astronomer walked up to me and I was like, "Give me some space..."
Are you getting the funnies?
Wyatt is a guy who still doesn't have a girlfriend because he didn't sit with Yanely and Jasmine at lunch. Funny joke, huh?
You know you trip and fall. Here is the funny joke: Did you have a nice trip?
What do they call me when I jack off?
Pulled pork.
When Stephen Hawking died, he saw the stairway to Heaven.
He thought to himself, "Oh God, this is awkward!"
Derrick and Clive. They have a song about a Dad with cancer and other extremely offensive subjects in a routine called "The Non-Stop Dancer." It is very funny, but it is made even funnier by Dudley Moore's drunken and stoned laughter through the song.
One of the best routines ever. Look it up on YouTube. They recorded them in the studio, but they are ad-libbing and extremely drunk.
