Today I passed the exams to be a funeral director!
Too bad it's a dying trade. :)
Funeral Jokes
Do you ever consider during the cremation that the meat is well done?
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
I'm sorry and I apologize mean the same thing, except at a funeral.
When I died, my friend said he'd cover me.
If someone burns to death, do they get a discount at the crematorium?
Every time my grandmother and I were at a wedding, she’d say: “you’re next.” So I started saying the same thing to her at funerals.
Did you hear about the man who died of a Viagra overdose?
They couldn't close the casket.
I have double standards: burn a body at a crematorium and you're being a respectful friend; do it at home and you're destroying evidence.
I went to a funeral to revive my dead grandmother with the Reboot Card, but my family was upset!
Did you know that if you die you can still be a part of family game night!
All you have to do is have your family cremate you and put you in an hour glass, and the games that use hour glasses, well, you will be a part of family game night.
My dad said, "Where's Pickles, the family cat?" I said, "I'm sorry to say he's in the sky." He said, "Oh, I see, he passed away." No, I strapped him to 20 fireworks!
What did one casket say to the other casket?
"Is that you coughin'?"
My grief counselor died. He was so good, I didn't even care.
You're the type of person to play "Girl on Fire" during a funeral.
So my friend died. I was at her casket. I said I'll see you on the other side, so I went to the other side of the casket.
This isn't really a joke, but it's true. Your picture for your funeral may have already been taken :)
My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"
But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.
Someone dies.
Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?
