Funeral jokes

My relatives always teased me during weddings, saying, "You'll be next!"

But they stopped when I did the same to them during funerals.

Someone dies.

Don’t cry when you attend my funeral, I was dead long ago so why cry now?

Why did Nicholas Cage and Angelina Jolie attend Paul Walker’s funeral?

He went from "The Fast and the Furious" to "Gone in 60 Seconds."

You're at a funeral. Your mum says be quiet, so you snigger at the body and say, "Bye forever, bitch."

At an orphan's funeral, you say, "Your dad came back."

What happened when the man died? Yes.

What do you call Juice WRLD in a coffin?

A juice box...

Why are orphans' funerals so small?

They have no loved ones.

I saw a small kid crying, so I asked him, "Where's your mom?" but he started crying, so I left the funeral. 🙂🙂

What did they do with his body when he died?

They made him into Lego so kids can play with him for once.

A friend of mine used to be morbidly obese, but after lots of exercise and hard work... We were able to lift his coffin.

I got an Xbox achievement the other day. It said "Trash Master," and everyone looked at me at the funeral.

Imagine when you are about to cry at the funeral, then your friend's phone rings.

Then he says, "I'll call you back, I'm still at the die."

Ex: baby i miss u.

Me: sorry i can't talk, i'm at a funeral.

Ex: who died?!

Me: my feelings 4 u, bitch.

Saying I'm sorry and I apologize are basically the same thing... except at a funeral.

I was speaking at my grandpa's funeral and I told everybody his last words: "You still holding the ladder?"

The cemetery is so overcrowded.

People are just dying to get in.

I remember when I was at a funeral at the age of 6. I was with my grandma and asked, "Grandma, Grandma, why is that man in a box?"

And she says, "He's in a better place now." I look at her confused and ask, "What kind of box did he live in before?! How is this box better than the last one?! It's just a box!"

And to this day I am still not allowed to go to funerals.

Before I die, I'm going to ask to be cremated.

Then I'm going to eat a bunch of popcorn kernels.

Then I'll die and get cremated. BOOM! I'm popcorn!