Fucking jokes
What do you call it when a prostitute pays someone 5 bucks to fuck them?
5 dollar footlongs.
If I'm holding a cricket ball in each hand, what do I have?
A really fucking huge cricket.
I did just see a blind person trying to f*ck a dog.
3 year old boy: 1... 2...uh....?
Older brother: Ooh I know! 1, 2, 3 get the fuck off my apple tree!
You know that you f**k better than dad?
I know, mom says that too. (Typical Alabama Family)
Memes
I'm 43 and my date is 19. A man rudely comes up to our table and calls me a pedophile. I told him to fuck off, this is our 10th anniversary.
What's the definition of a bastard?
Answer: A man with a 1 inch dick and a 10 inch tongue and all he wants to do is fuck!
My uncle got really badly burned the other day.
They don't fuck around at the crematorium.
Me: I fucked your mom.
Orphan: I don't have a mom so you fucked the air.
Fuck you, German kids, especially [those who are] alive.
Voting is like doing a group project in school.
I did my part, but I’m worried the rest of you are going to fuck this up.
If you're reading this, you are Nickel and Gallium......
Ni- ........*something else in between the two halves*................Ga
YOU FUCKING MONKEYS!
Brrr, it's fucking cold outside, aye? What do you guys want for Christmas? A sweet video game? Maybe a cool action figure? Oh, how about the latest phone!
Who me? Oh, I guess... I wish snow could melt as fast as the snowflakes that downvote good jokes! Merry Christmas, ya filthy animals!
Get a fucking life, you horny bastards!
Ugh... I hate Anons so much, they're annoying as fuck.
Bro, my friend is always using zodiacs as an excuse.
The other day he said he couldn't hang out with me because of cancer. I told him to fuck off. Then I realized why he was mad after that...
Irritable Bowel Syndrome saved me from depression...
It’s hard to feel empty when you’re so full of shiii fuck ur mom.
I would rather be drugged and robbed by Cardi B than listen to her f***ing music.
I got caught fucking a dead body by my family. RIP grandma.
A disabled man stands up.
A blind man says, "You can stand?"
A deaf man says, "You can see?"
A mute person says, "You can hear?"
The disabled man says, "You can talk!"
Doctor: "What the actual f**k"