Frog jokes

What's red and green and goes 100 miles per hour? A frog in a blender.

What did the sex offender frog say to the other sex offender frog when a hot frog passed them?

Rrrrrapeit!

Why was the boy crying?

He had a frog stapled to his face.

What does a perverted frog say?

"Rubbit."

What happened to the frog that partied illegally?

He got TOAD away!

A young man was crossing the road when a frog called out to him and said, "If you kiss me, I will turn into a beautiful princess." The man took the frog, smiled at it, and put it in his wallet.

The frog called out again, "If you kiss me and I turn into a princess, I will live with you for a week and do everything you want." The young man took the frog out, smiled, and put it back.

Then the frog called out, "Okay, okay! I will be with you and do whatever you want forever!" The young man laughed and put it back in his wallet.

Finally, the frog asked, "What is wrong with you? I'm offering to be a beautiful princess! Why won't you kiss me?"

The young man said, "Listen, I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a girlfriend, but a talking frog is pretty cool."

What do you call a 100-year-old frog?

An old croak!

Why did the frog take the train to work? His car got toad.

What happens when a frog parks illegally?

It gets toad.

What happens when a frog's car breaks down?

It gets toad away!

What did the frog do when his car broke down?

It was toad.

Why did the frog take the bus to work today?

His car got toad away.

What’s got 4 wheels, does a barrel roll, and goes from green to red in seconds?

Kermit in a car crash.

What type of sandals do frogs wear?

Open-toed.

Johnny is on his way to school when he comes across a frog. With a sudden inspirational thought, he picks the frog up, shoves a firecracker up the frog's arse, lights the cracker, and blows the frog to smithereens.

Now at school, the teacher asks the class: "Has anybody got anything for show and tell this morning?"

Johnny waves his arm in the air and is virtually screaming "Me mis me mis me mis".

"Ok Johnny, what do you have to share with the class today?"

Little Johnny then says, "Well on my way to school today I shoved a cracker up a frog's arse." The teacher interrupts and says, "It's not arse Johnny, It's rectum."

Johnny then says, "Fucking oath it wrecked 'im."

Kermit the Frog and Fozzie Bear were having a picnic.

Fozzie said, "Do you know where Ms. Piggy is? I haven't seen her all day."

Kermit said, "I don't know, but this extra bacon cheeseburger sure tastes great."

Why did the frog take the bus to work?

His car got toad.

What did the frog order?

A diet Croak!

Why did the frog cross the road?

To show his gang that he had guts.

Why was Timmy so sad? Because his dad stapled a frog to his forehead.