Food jokes
What's thick, long, hard, and has cum in it?
Cucumber. Lol. I love the way you think.
Q: What do you call a person with Down's syndrome who smokes weed?
A: Baked potato.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
Liam Gallagher went into a café for a cup of tea. The assistant asked him if "he wanted a roll with it."
What does a waiter in a Chinese restaurant call a customer that won't leave a tip? A "plick."
What should I call a burger?
A cow burger.
Lily, Amy, Natalie, and Gabriella, it's my birthday tomorrow. Please come if you want to come. If you come to the party, there will be snacks and cake. Ty.
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
What is red, pink, and goes round and round?
A baby in a blender.
What is green, brown, and goes round and round?
The same baby 3 weeks later.
Three friends were stuck in the desert. They were struggling and trying to find food when they found a magical lamp. They rubbed it and out came a genie, and the genie says, "Each of you friends get to have one wish." So the first friend said, "I wish to go home," same as the second one. The third friend said, "I'm lonely. I wish my friends were with me!"
I ate the last of my Egyptian food, and now I falafel. I don't know why I made that joke. Probably just becuscus.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked up.
What is the fastest cake in the world?
Scone.
What did the pig say when he was in the sun?
I'm bacon.
What two things can you never have for breakfast?
Lunch and dinner!
Wanna hear something twisted?
A pretzel.
Boy, if you don't get your "I'm Burger King with my Burger Queen!"
How do you get a squirrel to like you? Act like a nut!
You know why morning food digests so quickly.
Because it breaks fast.
What’s the hardest part of a vegetable?
The wheel.