Food jokes

What do cannibals eat to freshen their breath?

Men toes.

I nutted on the wall, call that a walnut.

A cocksucker is still a cocksucker if a cocksucker only sucks for moral, religious, or health reasons, and a vegetarian who doesn't eat meat for moral, religious, or health reasons can still be a cocksucker, so how can a cocksucker be a vegetarian for moral, religious, or health reasons?

A fat man meets a skinny man.

The fat man tells the skinny man: "When people look at you, they think the world's starving to death."

And the skinny man responds: "When they look at you, they know why."

My cow just wandered into a field of marijuana. The steaks have never been so high...

What's the difference between a baby and a salad?

Most people don't get angry when you toss a salad.

I once ate a watch. It was time consuming.

How did Burger King get Dairy Queen pregnant?

He forgot to wrap his Whopper.

I love Brussel sprouts more than I love myself.

Yo' mama's cooking is so bad, your family prays after they eat.

What's the difference between McDonald's and a priest?

Nothing... They both stick their meat in ten-year-old buns.

What is the difference between a gay man and a fridge? A fridge doesn't moan when you put meat in it.

What do milk and Make-A-Wish kids have in common? They both have expiration dates.

Why don’t orphans and Chinese kids play baseball. The orphans can’t find home and the Chinese kid will eat the bat.

Losing weight is a piece of cake. Just don't pick it up.

What's green and smells like pork? Kermit's finger.

Why can't orphans eat a large bag of chips? Because they're family size.

Why did the twin towers complain to the pizza restaurant?... Because they ordered pepperoni pizza and got plain.

I heard a joke about chocolate bars, and it wasn't that funny. So I just snickered.

What's a depressed person's least favorite type of cereal?

LIFE.