Food jokes
What's your mom and a dog got in common?
Both will lick dick if you put peanut butter on it.
My sister's boyfriend was coming around for Christmas Day. He had the option of two birds to tuck into: Turkey or Goose.
I said, "Are you not satisfied with my sister, who is literally handing herself on a plate to you?!"
What's an emo's favorite way of growing food?
The slash and burn tactic.
What do you call a flooded hospital?
Vegetable soup.
Q: How do you know you're at a gay barbecue? A: All the hot dogs taste like shit.
Memes
Why did the rapper become a chef?
Because he was always COOKING UP RHYMES!
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because they wanted to bake some BEATS.
Why did the rapper open a bakery?
Because he wanted to ROLL in the DOUGH!
What do you call a black person having a fit?
A chocolate milkshake.
This dude is so fat, wearing the same damn clothes every day. Every time he turns around, it's his graduation day. He forgot to put a boomerang on his pants because they don't even fit anymore. Last time I saw him coming down the street, it was in a bucket of Popeye's chicken, extra crispy.
What's the hardest part of a vegetable to eat?
The wheelchair.
Why is 7 afraid of 6?
Because 7 is a vegetarian and 6 is a cannibal.
Why are Indians dark?
Because they are born and bred in chicken curry.
The sad thing is when they ride the scooters in Wal-Mart... Really, you declining to walk is what got your fat ass in that scooter to begin with... And damned if they aren't buying diet soda... Please... cull this shit... We don't need them in society... KFC is not a disease.
I'd make a joke about pizza, but it's too cheesy. I know y'all have too thick of a crust to get it!
What do you call a Panera Bread you write with?
Panera lead.
What has nut, long, big, and sticky? A Snickers bar.
What is the difference between a fat person and a whole pizza?
Well, a whole pizza cannot eat a fat person.
Waitress: What can I get for you?
Me: I'll have a steak.
Waitress: How would you like it?
Me: Immediately!
Why couldn’t an orphan go to a family restaurant?
Because an orphan doesn’t have a family.