Food jokes
What did the peanut say to the cashew after their argument?
I'mma cashew outside!
When I was a little boy, I had this dream. I was eating a giant marshmallow.
When I woke, I was being sexually abused.
What did the expired butter do once it had expired?
It did an expire.
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
At least one of them gets picked.
What did the egg say to the blender? Nothing. It's an egg joke.
What vegetable is good for your memory? A carrot, because the last time I had one shoved up my ass, I never forgot about it.
Why do elephants paint their toes red, blue, green, orange, brown, and yellow?
So they can hide in a bag of M&Ms.
The broccoli says, "I look like a small tree." The mushroom says, "I look like an umbrella." The walnut says, "I look like a brain." And the banana says, "Can we please change the subject?"
Blue Takis?
Why don't heterosexual men want to suck bananas because they taste like octopus and squid?
Did Walmart take the Juneteenth ice cream off the shelf?
It was only 3/5 full.
Wood fired pizza?
How's pizza gonna pay child support now?! :O
Please drop a like.
Doctor: Congratulations!!!
Woman: Was it a successful delivery?
Doctor: No, it’s DiGiorno!
What do you call an Irish person having a seizure? A Shamrock Shake.
I ate a time machine once, it was very time-consuming. Especially when I went back four seconds.
Yo mama so dumb that she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Yo mama so stupid, when they said it was chilly outside, she ran outside with a bowl!
What was Beethoven called when he only ate beef? Beefthoven!
I was thrown out of the charity food kitchen on my first night of volunteering.
All I said was, "Hurry up, some of us got homes to go to..."
What do you call a rapper who LOVES to cook?
Lil' Seasoning.