Food jokes
Little Johnny is walking around and peaks in his parents' room, catching them having sex, so he asks, “What are you guys doing?” and they reply “Nothing, nothing! We’re just uh, making cake,” and they send him away.
So he continues walking around and he hears some strange noises coming from his brother’s room, so he walks in and catches his brother and his brother’s girlfriend having sex and then asks him “What are you guys doing?” and his brother yells “Get out! We're making cake!”
So Johnny leaves and goes to his room. The next day the whole family is at the dinner table and Little Johnny turns to his sister and says “So, you and your boyfriend were making cake last night huh!” and she replies “OMG! How'd you know!?!?” and Johnny replies “Because, I licked the icing off the couch” ayyyyyy.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
Three strangers have opened a gay chat; but if one left the chat, the chat would be closed.
Stranger 3: How to turn a straight guy into a gay guy?
Stranger 1: You can't!
Stranger 2: You can.
Stranger 3: How?
Stranger 2: By using the same idea of the Russian experiment; like in a detention, put him in a closed room full of gay stuff, but the difference is that he can sleep, and he will have food for 30 days and a toilet, too.
Stranger 3: Great idea, but who can we try first?
Stranger 1: You all gays are evil monsters.
Stranger 2: I think the stranger 1 is just a straight spy. Let's try this experi-
(The chat has been closed by stranger 1)
What do cannibals call newborn babies?
Fresh fruit.
Yo mama's so stupid, she stared at a cup of orange juice for 12 hours because it said "concentrate."
You say this to your friend, "Damn, your nuts are bigger than mine!" *thinks the wrong way*.
Friend: I must order more nuts.
Once, there were two cupcakes in the furnace. One cupcake said, "It's kinda hot in here." The other one said, "Hah, a talking cupcake!"
Why was the cookie angry? Because someone ate the chips!
What's the difference between a hooker and a burrito?
I don't eat burritos.
A man attacked me with cheese and milk. How dairy!
My friend's name is Campbell, so she must love soup.
What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
How do you get a party started in Africa?
You put a slice of bread on the ceiling and everyone will be jumping.
What's the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
Why were the people during 9/11 mad? They ordered 2 sausage pizzas, but instead they got 2 plane pizzas.
What is the same thing between apples and orphans?
Apples actually get picked.
Ms. Katie: I heard about a Vegan baby.
Mom: Here’s your Happy Meal.
Ms. Katie: That’s not vegan, did you trick me?
Kids: Yeah!
Ms. Katie: That’s it, little baby Jimmy, I’m giving you shaking baby syndrome!
Mom: Please don’t hurt my son.
*Ms. Katie shakes Jimmy*
Mom: I’m secretly a cop, and you are arrested.
Yesterday I made food using oil--olive oil.
(I love oil!)
You're at a buffet, you think you're hungry for two, but misfortune happens when you think of yourself. You get stuck looking at sides in the buffet. A roly poly gal you see in the corner of your eye, eyeballing the main dishes in front at the end. You go in for the pickings, you get intercepted by a far more hungrier matter, but you find yourself getting slammed over the buffet table, and realize you are gasping for air, and she is tenderizing you for dinner.
Corn and corn, where is popcorn?