Food jokes
Get shanked with a lamb shank with a stinky pampa in the tolpan.
Them: You want some Lucky Harms?
Me: What are Lucky Harms?
Them: They're Lucky Charms, but instead of being magically delicious, they're magically malicious.
Yesterday in my dream I ate a ten pound marshmallow, when I woke up, my pillow was gone.
What does a nosy pepper do?
Gets jalapeño business.
I thought a waitress said to me, "You're good looking." In fact, she was asking if I'd like some pudding.
Life is like a box of chocolates, it doesn't last long if you're fat.
Why do we put round pizzas in square boxes and eat them as triangles?
What is the cheetah's favorite candy? Cheetos.
I ate some gunpowder once. It was an exploding experience.
What does a pizza delivery man and a gynecologist have in common?
They can both smell it, but they can’t eat it.
Asians love it when a British person says "Race!"
Q: What's the difference between an orphan and an apple?
A: One of them gets picked.
What's the worst part about eating vegetables from the hospital?
The life support cord.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Well, at least one gets picked.
Don’t panic! Stay c-almond collected.
What did the baby corn say to the mama corn? Where's popcorn?
Little Johnny's father says if them boys say another bad word, I'm going to whoop them, and Little Johnny's brother says, "I'd like some fucking food," and he whooped him, and Little Johnny says, "He would. I'd like some food. At least I didn't—I'd like some fucking food. Bye."
I cut my dick. It is all right now, and half the size but makes for excellent breakfast.
Why did the shark spit out the clown? Because he tasted funny!
Mustard