Food jokes
Did you hear the rumors about butter?
Never mind—you shouldn't spread them.
"What do you want to eat?"
"You choose."
"Children."
"What?"
*Picks up pot*
"You said anything!"
Why are the Chinese bad at baseball?
Because they ate all the bats.
How do you fit a baby into a shoebox?
A blender.
How do you get them out?
Tortilla chips.
Why do skeletons like having sex with short girls before eating?
They like to bone a petite.
What is the spiciest meat ever? Pepperoni.
Who discovered shrimp were edible?
Probably the same one who invented the blowjob.
When someone calls you, say "Welcome to Joe's Pizza Abortion Clinic, your loss is our sauce."
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
Apples get picked.
Where do rabbits eat breakfast?
IHOP.
I love vegans because they save more meat for us.
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
How does an orange 🍊 go into a crowded restaurant?
By squeezing his way in.
You're so much like a marshmallow, you're so squishy and sticky, and everyone puts their sticks inside of you.
What does a British cannibal's favorite meal?
Fish and chaps.
What do you do with a frozen vegetable?
You wait for it to thaw.
Why do orphans eat cereal with water? Because their dad never came back with the milk.
My sister beat me in a race. She gave me a raspberry. I was bitter.
If there is a hair, the meat is ruined.
What do you call it when someone lies to Panera Bread?
Panera misled.