Food jokes
What cereal do I eat?
Captain Bolts.
What do you call a bear with no teeth?
A gummy bear.
How do you call on a mail man who is carrying rotten fruit?
Come post!
Why aren't dogs known as carrots? Because they aren't.
He: I'm Nike, and you're McDonalds.
She: Why?
He: 'Cause I'm doing it, and you're loving it. :)
Memes
What's the difference between an onion and a dead baby?
The baby doesn't cry when you chop it.
What do royals and hot dogs have in common?
They're usually in bread.
A dog talks to another dog and says,
"Wow, you're a hot dog!"
What did the melon say to the avocado when he proposed?
Can't elope.
What does Can do after eating its vegetables?
Go on eBay to see how much he can sell the wheelchair for.
"I got that dawg in me," said the Asian men after lunch.
Why did the egg hide?
Because it was a little chicken!
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
One of them gets picked.
What is the difference between apples and orphans?
The apples get picked.
What do teachers eat? They eat square stuff.
Your mum is so fat, she thought Dunkin' Donuts was a basketball team.
Why was the emo jealous of the orange?
It came precut.
Chef: “How did you enjoy your steak, sir?”
Customer: “I asked for it medium rare, but it’s well done!”
Chef: “Why thank you.”
Customer: “You don’t understand, the steak is well done!”
Chef: “Of course it is, I made it.”
(Phone call) This is Frank's funeral home and grill, where yesterday's grief is today's beef. How may we help you?
What's the difference between apples and orphans?
Orphans don't get picked.