Food jokes
If I had a dime for everytime the Australian president shat himself in a McDonald's, I would have one dime, which is not a lot, but it's weird that it happened.
The moment when you throw the nut away and try to eat the shell.
Do emos eat...
Happy meals?
What is the difference between an apple and an orphan?
The apple gets picked.
I asked my girlfriend what she wanted to eat.
She said nothing, so I took her to Africa.
What is the difference between an orphan and an apple?
The apple gets picked.
A donut and depression are the same. Both have nothing in the middle, and the other is nothing is left if you leave it for too long.
Why are Asians so bad at baseball? ... Because they ate the bat!
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.