Food jokes
My wife told me I could never, ever build a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen the look on her face when I drove pasta!
Why did the tomato cross the road?
To ketchup with his friends on the other side.
Jeffrey Dahmer was craving Five Guys before it became a restaurant!
What did the cannibal do after eating all the vegetables?
Sold the wheelchairs on eBay.
In honor of Michael Jackson, Vienna Beef, as well as other establishments, are introducing the Jackson dog. It's a 50 year old sausage between two 7 year old buns, with everything on it.
They always say you are what you eat! So I’d be nothing. That sounds about right.
What is a cannibal's favorite place to eat?
Five Guys.
Mama is so Catholic, Swiss cheese wishes it was as holy as she is. Do you...
What do you call a kid in a hot tub?
Vegetable soup.
Best not leave hungry kids unattended!
What's the difference between jam and jelly?
You can't jelly your dick into someone's asshole.
A dolphin swims into a bar and looks at the menu. He calls the bartender and orders a pint of ginger-whale.
The 911 people really didn't scramble fast enough, so they got folded like an omelet.
What's the quiet kid's favorite school lunch? Mac-10 and cheese.
What do you do when your man doesn't like fruit jokes?
Let the mango.
This bunny named Mason came up to a bar and ordered a beer and a burger. He sits at a table and the waiter brought a huge burger.
Mason: "Heh. Good thing I eat like a horse." He looks up at the waiter.
Waiter: "You are a nasty little bunny, aren't you?"
Mason screamed and ran away as the waiter chased him... she was a HORSE.
What do you call fake spaghetti?
An im-pasta.
Why do seagulls fly over the sea?
If they flew over the bay, they would be bagels.
Once I asked Siri to tell me a joke, and it asked me, "What is the difference between a large pizza and you?" One can feed a family.
Why don’t I shut myself all the time?
I can only fit so many pairs of kids in my mouth and stomach at the same time.