Food jokes
What is the difference between the pizza guy and my dad?
The pizza guy shows up when you call him.
They say that breakfast is the most important meal of the day. Well, not if it's poisoned. Then the antidote becomes the most important.
It took me years to figure out the Oreos served in Lunchables are knock offs. On the cover it says “Chocolate Crème Cookies.” I’ve believed this lie for as long as I can remember. Unless they were real back then? I don’t even know at this point. They sure as hell aren’t real now!
The snack that smiles back: Ball sack.
If you scanned my thigh, it would show up as a package of Oreos on the screen.
Person 1: "I love KFC."
Person 2: "Yeah, me too!"
Person 1: "How many have you gotten?"
Person 2: "How am I supposed to remember how many buckets of chicken I have ordered!?"
Person 1: "Chicken? What chicken? What do you think KFC stands for?"
Person 2: "Kentucky Fried Chicken?"
Person 1: "What? I thought it meant kidnapping foster children."
Person 2: "BLOODY WHATT??"
Why do bees have sticky hair?
Because they use a honeycomb.
What stresses a baby strawberry out?
When its mom is in a jam.
Riddle me this, Batman, what's long, round, and has cum in the middle?
Batman: A dick.
Riddler: NO NO NOOO! It's a cucumber!
What's the difference between jelly and jam? You can't jelly a clown into the tiny car.
Want to know how you make any salad into a Caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
New business idea: let's put a KFC in Africa and a watermelon shop.
What’s the difference between a baby and a baked potato?
About 140 calories.
What’s the difference between a fetus and a jar of pickles?
The pickles aren’t as tasty in a jar.
What does an 80-year-old woman taste like?
Depends.
"What did the mama tomato say to the baby tomato? Catch up!"
Why did the baby strawberry cry? Because his mom was in a jam!
Why did the cookie cry?
Because its mom was a wafer too long!
There's nothing quite like being told I'm wrong by someone who depends on me for food, clothing, and shelter.
Guys, you need to ketchup with the time.