I was eating my cereal while watching the news, then I saw my cereal on the news, saying he was a "serial" killer.
A man gets captured by cannibals.
Every day they poke him with spears and use his blood to wash down their food. Finally the guy calls the chief over and says, "You can kill me or you can eat me, but I'm tired of getting stuck for drinks."
Why did the girl not eat her dinner?
because she has an eating disorder.
What do you get if you eat 3.14 cakes?
Fat, you get fat.
What? Were you expecting a pi joke?
So, a guy walks into a gas station and walks to the person working and says, "Can I have a Kit Kat Chunky?" So she gets him one, and then he says, "No, I want a normal Kit Kat, you fat bitch!"
What do you call a retarded person and a stroke victim in the same bed?
Mashed potatoes.
How do you make any salad into a caesar salad?
Stab it twenty-three times.
What do you call a hospital that's flooded with vegetable soup?
What did Eminem do when he couldn't get some of his mom's spaghetti?
Well, he didn't make it back to recovery this time...
Why did the egg cross the road?
'Cause he wanted to be scrambled!
What is the difference between lettuce and a hamburger?
When the lettuce runs, the hamburger cries.
A mushroom walks into a bar and tries to hit on a blonde. When she turns him down, he goes to her and says, "C'mon, I'm a fun guy!"
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was running away from Kernel Sanders.
Hehehe
What do you say after you go out for middle eastern food? I falafel (feel awful)!
Johnny Johnny?
Yes pa pa.
Eating sugar?
Yes pa pa, I am eating sugar because it is the only thing I can reach and you have refused to feed me for the past 3 days. You smoke 2 packs of cigs a day and you're mad at me for eating a little sugar. Smoking? Telling lies? Yes pa pa, you do all of those things because you're a chronic addict.
I went to a truck on wheels, they said, "Wheel feed you."
What’s the best math equation to eat?
Cosine Law.
The witch doctor came in my mouth last week. First hot meal I’ve had in weeks.
You want to hear a cheesy pizza joke? Never mind, it's too cheesy!
Hehehehehe.
Getting a book on pasta?
Yes. Just imagine the pastabilities there are!
