Food

Food jokes

The FBI said, "Open up!" I shout to them.

A person said, "Cookie sale." I opened up. He fucked me.

*bowl of dark grapes*

Friend 1: I like my grapes how I like my men.

Friend 2: Black? Good one.

Friend 1: 21 at a time.

  • 0

    • Do you wanna hear the gossip about butter?

    Actually, I shouldn't spread it.

    What do you call a Mexican in the zombie apocalypse?

    Answer: "Sweet and spicy chicken."

  • 1

    • *Hears the news about Sandy Hook* Person 1: "God, I can only imagine what was going through those kids' heads in the last moments of their lives..."

    Person 2: "Probably Bullets."

    Person 1: "OMG!! Can you even think of what their parents are going through?!"

    Person 2: "Probably Coffin Brochures."

    Person 1: "...."

    Person 2: "It's called dark humor. Dark humor is like food, not everyone gets it."

  • 3

    • There are two siblings, a little brother and a big brother. Now, the big brother had a girlfriend, and one night they decided to go and have sex. So, the bigger brother goes to pick up his girlfriend one night and take her home. So they get to the bigger brother's house and walk into his room. Now the two siblings shared the room, and they had bunk beds. When they walked in the room, they saw the little brother asleep in the bottom bunk, so they went up to the top bunk to have sex. The big brother says, "Whenever you feel good, say 'lettuce,' and whenever you want to switch positions say 'tomato'." The girl constantly is saying "lettuce, tomato," and then the little brother wakes up. He quietly remarks, "Can you guys stop making sandwiches? You're getting mayonnaise all over me."

  • 6

    • My favorite thing to do in my free time is putting a large skewer on the front of my car and speeding through a school zone trying to make a kebab.