Food jokes
Knock, knock.
Who's there?
Yull.
Yull who?
You'll be sorry if you eat all the fruitcake!
A boy asks a zookeeper, "Why is there a baguette in a cage?"
The zookeeper says, "It's bread in captivity!"
Woman: What’s a good comeback for my sexist husband when he tells me to go make him a sandwich?
Husband: I know! How about you COMEBACK with a goddamn sandwich?
Your mom: Your plate is full, that's enough food on your plate.
Me: My plate is not full, I still see the white of the plate.
What are the four seasons?
Salt, Pepper, Sugar, and Flour.
My eggs are just like my dad... nonegg-istent.
My dads just like my eggs... runny. 🤣😭🥺
Why did the octopus cross the road?
'Cause he was on the same side as a sushi restaurant.
What is a bald eagle's favorite chip?
Preagles!
What did the fat girl say to the donut?
"I'm going to eat you tonight..."
What's the worst part about eating a vegetable?
The wheelchair.
Why did the monster 🧟♀️ put the cook in a bowl?
He wanted a chef salad. 🥗😂
I named my dog "J," and everyone thought I said "jam."
What is the difference between a guitar and a fish?
You can't tuna fish.
Tumblr people: "There are an infinite amount of genders."
The cannibal kid: "Bitch, please. There's just one gender: Food."
Why don’t Belgians eat shit sandwiches?
They don’t fancy bread!
What did the fork say to the cake?
A: "I want a piece of you!"
What's the difference between a baby and a pizza?
One does not crow when you put it in an oven.
What did Batman do when he went shopping?
Got ham!
Jay and Andrew are best friends who are almost alike. The difference between them both is Jay is poor and well... Andrew, on the other hand, is suck-a-dick poor. Let me explain, Jay wakes up in his room, walks to the kitchen, and asks his mom, Lisa (I call her Lisa now, btw), if there is anything to eat. "No, bitch!" she replies, so Jay drinks a glass of milk and goes back to bed.
Now Andrew... wakes up, jumps out of bed, and he's in the kitchen. He sees his mom fixing some food for work after a long hard night of giving her husband blue balls. "Anything left for me, Mother?" Andrew asks. "Sorry, Honey, I have to eat to put food on the table and to get the running again." *so she goes to work, taking her time* Andrew sits by his bedside and says to himself, "Man... I'd suck a dick for some water right now." *his mom storms back after hearing what he had said* "I'll buy you a soda if you do my first customer for me!"