Food jokes
A man once sued smart water for not making him smart. Then a woman replied, “Okay cool, now I’m going to go sue Thin Mints for not making me thin.”
What did the sweet potato say to the potato when he was told to hurry?
I yam.
What did the potato say when the sweet potato told it to hurry?
I yam.
A man who desperately wanted to be good after serving time in prison was visited by an Angel. "You want to change? You can still enter heaven on two conditions. You must bet on the horses with any money you have and pass your winnings to someone less fortunate, and you must never hold on to any beef." The Angel then disappeared.
The man did as was told and became generous and kind. As he emerged from the betting office with all his money, he would pass every penny of it all to a deserving person each and every time.
He, however, couldn't seem to avoid meat and would still eat it no matter what.
When he died, the Angel came back for him.
"But I'm undeserving; I can't come with you," he said.
"Yes, you can," replied the Angel, "you gave all your stake (steak) away."
Why did Sally drop her ice cream? Because she has no arms.
Teacher: "Kids, what does the chicken give you?"
Student: "Meat!"
Teacher: "Very good! Now what does the pig give you?"
Student: "Bacon!"
Teacher: "Great! And what does the fat cow give you?"
Student: "Homework!"
What did the duck eat for lunch?
Soup and quackers.
What kind of bear has no teeth?
A gummy bear.
For orphans, every bag of chips is family size.
What is the difference between a human and a magic house, and what do I have for dinner?
What’s the difference between me and a bakery shop? The bakery shop has cake! 😞🎂
So, I went out to eat the other day, and the waitress came up to me and asked if I wanted a glass of water. I said, "Yes ma'am." She said, "Oh honey, you don't have to call me ma'am, I'm not that old." I said, "Okay, thanks bitch."
What’s the difference between hungry and horny?
Where you put the cucumber 🥒
What is a nut that does magic?
A human that can turn into a nut!
What do you call a sandwich 🥪 full of envy?
Peanut Butter n' Jealousy! 😂
What nut is broken? A silly nut!
Why did the lemon 🍋 go to the doctor 👩⚕️?
Because he had a sour stomach.
What's your favorite type of flour?
Don't know.
Mines self-raising.
What did Sushi 'A' say to Sushi 'B'?
- Wassaaaa....B!
What do Michael Jackson and caviar have in common? They both come on little white crackers.