Food jokes
Did you hear the gossip about butter? Never mind, I butter not spread it...
What did one bee say to the other bee?
"I love you, honey!"
My friend nearly drowned in her bowl of muesli the other day. She was pulled in by a strong "currant."
What fruit is square and green? A lemon in disguise.
What's a vampire's favorite fruit? A neck-tarine.
Why were the apple and orange all alone? Because the banana "split."
My autistic son hates taking baths or showers.
I don’t blame him, I don’t like soggy vegetables either.
Just shit my pants and it ran all down my legs... last time I eat at Popeyes.
What do kids call a balanced meal?
A hamburger in each hand! XD XD XD XD
What’s the difference between an apple and an orphan?
An apple gets picked.
Why didn't the two 4's feel like dinner?
Answer: Because they already ate.
Would you rather eat a brick or a matter baby?
Q: What do you call brown mixed with yellow?
A: Someone who just ate beans.
Bf: Hey, what ya doing?
Gf: Just lying in bed.
Bf: Just lying in bed?
Gf: And eating cereal.
Bf: Ha, nice, what would you do if I was in bed next to you...?
Gf: Eat my cereal.
Bf: I mean if the cereal wasn't there.
Gf: I'd get out of bed and get more cereal.
Warning: if you don't like gummy bears, DO NOT READ.
Q: What do you call a Mexican gummy bear?
A: Delici-Oso
A B C D E F G.
Gummy bears are chasing me, one is red, one is blue. One is chewing up my shoe. Now I'm running for my life because the red one's got a knife!
Gf: Hi.
Bf: Hi.
Gf: Did you eat yet?
Bf: Did you eat yet?
Gf: Are you copying me?
Bf: Are you coping me??
Gf: I love you.
Bf: Yeah, I ate already.
Yo mama so fat that when the cashier at KFC asked her what size bucket she wants, she said "the one on the roof."
Warning: If you're planning to look here for jokes about the FOOD nuts, don't bother. It's filled with penis jokes.
Why should old women never eat seafood?
'Cause then she'll start acting crabby.